Cheap Seats

Don’t pamper him with praise

New York Mets third baseman Robin Ventura became the first man to hit a grand slam in both games of a doubleheader against Milwaukee last week. But it wasn’t even the best night of Ventura’s slamming career - since he hit two in the same game Sept. 4, 1995. So this feat clearly didn’t go to his head.

“I can’t drive home and say, `I’m pretty cool now,”’ he said. “I’ve still got to do something tomorrow. I’ve got to stand at the bus stop. And I’ve still got to change diapers.”

Get a whiff of this argument

Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer insists that for Boston’s Pedro Martinez to have a 1.89 ERA - and seven straight games of at least 10 strikeouts - in this age, he has to be better than Koufax, Gibson, Seaver or Carlton.

With the help of some baseball statistician freaks, Stark says he determined that Martinez is only the second pitcher in history to rip off seven 10-whiff extravaganzas in a row. The first: That Nolan Ryan guy in 1977.

As for those other legends, Koufax’s longest streak was four. Seaver, Gibson and Carlton topped out at three. The year Bob Feller struck out 348 (in 1946), his best was three. Even in Rube Waddell’s 349-whiff season in 1904, he never had more than two. Randy Johnson once reached six. The only other active pitcher at five is Curt Schilling.

Just think what it’s like to face this man.

“I’ve never laughed after striking out before,” Seattle’s David Segui told the Seattle Post Intelligencer after Martinez blew away 15 Mariners two starts ago. “But he made me laugh. I struck out on a pitch that was closer to Jay Buhner in the on-deck circle than it was to me.”

“If the Lord could pitch,” quipped Seattle’s John Mabry, “I think He’d be a lot like Pedro.”

It’s a Byrd, it’s a …

Man can’t fly. But that didn’t stop Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Paul Byrd from trying in a game a while back.

A relay throw to home plate careened toward the New York Mets dugout, with a run to score if it happened.

So Byrd, who was backing up the plate, sprinted toward the top step, went airborne and swatted the baseball back toward the field.

“All I was thinking when I took off,” he said, “was to get the ball back toward the field. Once I was in the air and I’d gotten the ball back on the field, that’s when I said, `Oh, no. What do I do now?”’

Asked what he thought when Byrd left the ground, center fielder Doug Glanville said: “I see this flying object, this UFO-type effect. I was thinking, `Why would he try to kill himself?”’

“I think they need to fill the dugouts with water,” Glanville suggested, “so the next time, he could land on something softer.”

But even though Byrd slammed into the dugout roof with his left shoulder, then bounced toward Earth, he wasn’t hurt.

He then struck out Mike Piazza and Brian McRae to keep that run from scoring - and wound up the winning pitcher.

The last word …

“You know that 10-minute score ticker on TV? That doesn’t work here. They’ve got to get that down to a minute ticker.”

- Rockies coach Rich Donnelly after watching Colorado lose at Coors Field to Cincinnati 24-12.