Form Before Function

Before Charles Barkley and Shaquille O’Neal brawled Wednesday night in Houston, Barkley already had complained that the Rockets needed to show some fight and some nerve.

“I hate wimpy men,” Barkley had said to John P. Lopez of the Houston Chronicle.

Wrote Lopez: “And so Wednesday was a night when the prophecy would be fulfilled, even if the promise of finally winning a game was not.

“Naturally, the fight was not something you’d want your children to emulate or revere. But it was a necessary evil. It was Barkley showing something the Rockets desperately need: fight.”

The standings suggest wins would do a lot for the Rockets, too.

The real crying game

A typical scene following Oregon State’s 17-7 football win over California a week ago that guaranteed the Beavers their first winning season since 1970… .

Ken and Dick Maurer, uncles of receiver Marty Maurer, who both played for the Beavers in the early 1970s, met their nephew moments after the game.

“They were crying,” Marty Maurer said. “They came up to me after the game and gave me a hug. They said this was the greatest thing that happened to them for I don’t know how long.”

Odds are, you’ve heard this

Bruce Keidan in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

“My condolences to Pete Rose being voted to baseball’s team of the century. I heard he laid 6 to 5 against.”

Let’s talk pay cut

Chicago Blackhawks general manager Bob Murray, after defenseman Boris Mironov compared the Blackhawks business practices unfavorably to the Wild West commerce in Russia:

“We’ll send him two plane tickets to wherever he wants and he can go get his money from the Red Army.”

Par for Nick’s course

Nick Faldo, 42, is engaged to Valerie Bercher, 26, a Swiss PR consultant. She will be wife No. 3. He also had a three-year relationship with American college golfer Brenna Cepelak.

“This one is going to last,” he said.

Wrote Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“But we hope Nick and Valerie aren’t rushing into this: Their wedding is scheduled for the summer of 2001.”

The last word …

“Like Lawrence Phillips, the San Francisco 49ers are a lost cause.”

- Bud Geracie, writing in the San Jose Mercury-News.