Cheap Seats
They’re bloomin’ failures
Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura, recalling the crowds when he wrestled in Japan: “If you did something `bad,’ they didn’t do anything they just sat there.
“Here you’re supposed to be a villain, and they’re still handing you a bouquet of flowers.”
Jaworski was Giant-sized target
Former Philadelphia Eagles and Los Angeles Rams quarterback Ron Jaworski, telling Bill Lyon of the Philadelphia Inquirer how it felt to play behind some porous Eagles offensive lines: “I remember playing the Giants, and Lawrence Taylor saw who was blocking for me, and he was shoving his own guys out of the way so he could get a running start at me.
“That was bad enough, but he was laughing the whole time.”
Roman-candle-owski
Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “Meet (Denver Bronco) Bill Romanowski, the most reviled, hated and despised man in the NFL, bless his heart.
“Come on, admit it. You think he’s nuts. Certifiable. Whacked. Belongs in a rubber locker room with diet pills and muscleman milk shakes.
“Well, let me tell you something, buddy. You got it all right.”
Punchy columnist
Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome took a few swings at boxing and boxers recently.
Lincicome wrote that experts may have favored Lennox Lewis to win the title fight because, “Father Time is catching up to the 37-year-old Evander Holyfield, but with Holyfield having sired nine children by six separate women, it is more like time catching up with father.”
And for good measure, Lincicome finishes with this 1-2: “Las Vegas announces it cannot tolerate any more of Mike Tyson’s thuggish shenanigans, breaking up the kind of perfect chemistry usually found only in a septic tank. … “Fight of the year had to be Teofilo Stevenson, three-time Olympic gold medal boxing champion, being subdued by 10 Miami cops after defending the honor of Fidel Castro. Nobody can talk about his dictator that way.”
Tonya’s prospects put on ice
Notorious figure skater Tonya Harding hasn’t realized any great financial gains from her successful professional debut last month.
“I’ve had calls up the kazoom for interviews,” said her manager, Michael Rosenberg, “but that doesn’t mean any money.”
The last word …
“It comes as no surprise to anybody who saw him play college basketball that Bob Knight would be the cause of a hunting accident; he never could shoot.”
- Chicago Tribune’s Bernie Lincicome