Know Your Problem-Solving Limits

Mon., Nov. 29, 1999

Q. I have a friend who openly and frequently criticizes his classmates’ schoolwork. He was told this is hurtful, but he continues to do it. What should I do?

A. It is important to recognize your limitations in solving a problem your friend has with other people. If he is critical of your work, then tell him to stop and let him know the effect it has on your friendship. If, however, this issue is about others’ responses to him, I believe your friend and his classmates will have to work this out. You will be most helpful, if you don’t take sides in this mater and just continue your friendship with him. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent & Adult counseling

A. Chances are your friend does this because he feels insecure about himself. Maybe if you tried complimenting his work, he wouldn’t criticize anyone else’s. - Brittani Kelly, Ferris

Q. My two best friends are going out. I’m happy for them, but sometimes I feel like they use me to spend time with each other. How can I tell them I feel uncomfortable without them getting mad at me or breaking up?

A. It is possible that your friends are using you to spend time with each other. It’s also possible that you are feeling left out. When three people are in a relationship, a triangle exists in which two people will be more involved with each other, and the third person more on the outside. Often the positions vary depending on circumstances. It sounds like you are experiencing being on the outside of the triangle. One way to handle this is to minimize how much time you spend as a threesome. Ask them to do things individually or with a larger group. Having other friends to hang out with is helpful. If you feel they are using you to spend time with each other it is very important to relay your feelings. They may be angry, but if they are your good friends they should understand. You will feel stronger once you stop letting this happen. - Stacey Mainer

A. Just tell them. If they really are your best friends, they will not get mad at you. A good tactic when you confront them would be to talk more about how you’re feeling as opposed to accusing them of anything. - Kathy Bula, East Valley

What’s your advice?

Q: I was accused of stealing something from a student’s locker. It was absolutely not true. Now the people I go to school with think I am a thief. What do I do?

Q. My dad and I used to have a good relationship but recently we’ve been growing apart. We spend less time with each other, and we don’t even know what to say to each other. What can I do to repair our relationship?

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.