We’Ve Got The Truth Right Here

Tue., Oct. 19, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Here are 21 Sliceisms submitted for your consideration.

1. It’s awfully difficult to explain love beads to someone who wasn’t around in the ‘60s.

2. Several readers have reported that there’s a “t” missing from “Waitts Lake” in the River Park Square entryway art.

3. You can’t win consistently in tabletop slot-hockey if your only scoring strategy involves getting the puck to your center.

4. Those pictures of Earth taken from space never show guys in bookstores taking furtive looks at swimsuit calendars.

5. In Spokane at least, you hardly ever meet a Judy who isn’t really nice.

6. Some toupees worn around here look like bad Beatles wigs.

7. The folks at PMS (Precision Motor Supply) have heard it before.

8. You know our culture is out of control when Architectural Digest has Claudia Schiffer on its cover.

9. Holiday Inn commercials are better than most prime-time shows.

10. The Air Force Times notes that, if B-52 life expectancy forecasts hold, the last crew members to fly the plane have yet to be born.

11. In “The Hypochondriac’s Guide to Life and Death” by Gene Weingarten, reference is made on Page 69 to a Spokane incident supposedly reported in a publication called Emergency Physicians Monthly. Apparently this couple had just finished dinner when the woman decided to, um, ah, you know on second thought this isn’t really printable. If you are over 21 and not easily offended, call us and we’ll tell you the story.

12. Does anyone around here ever boycott an arts event because they have a grudge against the sponsor?

13. A little bit of “ER” humor goes a long way during pumpkin carving.

14. Say what you will about “Dances With Wolves,” the music is great.

15. Gardner Bailey wonders when we’ll see the first This Year vs. Last Year comparison of Christmas season retail sales.

16. You never would have heard of Jennifer Love Hewitt if she were flat-chested.

17. Call 1-877-6-VLASIC to enter the “Groucho Marx Impersonation Contest.”

18. The firefighter credited with originating the practice of giving teddy bears to traumatized children died recently. He lived in Western Washington.

19. Does anyone else find that certain PBS promos are a bit, well, self-important?

20. Vibrating pagers can tickle.

21. Iowa, West Virginia and Texas have the best-looking helmets in college football.

* Today’s Slice question: Is there a link between Spokane area wage scales and the amount of anger one encounters living here?

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