Tile Saw A Tool I Can’T Live Without

As you stand with your toes hanging over the edge and contemplate leaping off the abyss into a do-it-yourself home-remodeling project, it would be comforting to know there’s something soft to land on.

But you’re more apt to find sharpened stakes sticking up from the bottom of that hole than feather beds. Of course, that’s not what you want to tell the people who share your life.

You’ll want to tell about the money you’ll save, which is probably a lie, albeit a well-intentioned one. You’ll want to tell of the deep, soul-enriching satisfaction of confronting a task and handling it on your own. You’ll want to tell how learning to shape and cope with your environment is at the very heart of being a competent human being.

But to thine ownself, keep the fabrications to a manageable minimum.

Right at the top of that short list of real reasons to do this is that you get to buy all kinds of neat stuff.

Like a tile saw.

Think what it would be like to go to work and casually mention to the guys standing around the water cooler, “Yup, bought a tile saw over the weekend. Gotta do some countertops.”

Just imagine the envy on their faces. Here, they would think, is a man in command of his destiny. Here is a man whose family understands him. Here is a man with a tile saw.

On the other hand, if you work it right, you can make a convincing and logical argument to the female person in your life on why you should have this tile saw.

(A digression: To those who have not yet undertaken the exploration of handymanhood, a tile saw cuts ceramic tile. It has an electric motor that drives a diamond-tipped circular blade, and a little water pump that directs a stream of water on the blade and the tile so the whole thing doesn’t catch on fire.)

Who among us would not like to have a nice, shiny tile countertop upon which to set hot pans right off the stove without fear of leaving a burn mark. Which, with the mere swipe of a dishcloth, regains its lustrous sheen.

So selling the idea of the tile is easy. And cheap.

Spokane’s Quarry Tile sells boxes and boxes of seconds containing some flawed pieces. You’re apt to pay more for the adhesive to stick the tile down than for the tile itself. Just throw away the flawed pieces.

But in order to do the job, you must cut this tile. You can rent manual tile cutters which often breaks the tile in several pieces. They’re completely useless for cutting thin strips to fill little awkward spaces. Manual tile snippers will make your hand feel like a gnarled and swollen lump of putty.

Or, you can buy a power tool.

Sure, you can rent a tile saw. It costs at least $40 a day, and some places charge more for the wear and tear on the diamond blade. And remember the most fundamental rule of home remodeling: If you’re lucky, it will only take you twice as long as you planned. So now you’re going to have to keep the tile saw all day Saturday and Sunday, and the rental places closes at 4 on Sunday, and you’re 15 minutes late, and you can’t get it back until your lunch hour on Monday.

Now your local home and garden warehouse store sells tile saws like those you can rent. They run from $275 to $1,000. Or, you can look a little farther down the shelf and find a Plasplugs Diamond Wheel Wet Saw for $97.

It’s little, and it’s plastic. But it has a motor and a tiny pump and a tiny diamond blade (which you can replace for $21.97). It looks like something you’d buy from a late-night TV ad.

But when I got mine, I figure that at $100, it only had to last me through three days of tile-cutting jobs to pay for itself. So far, it’s lasted through three large kitchen countertop projects and a bathtub surround.

Now in all truthfulness, I can casually drop into any conversation I might be having my status as the manly, self-assured owner of a tile saw. Even if it is a little dinky plastic one. The guys around the water cooler don’t have to know that, do they?