Here, It’S Called Lake Willbegone
Here’s your invitation to spout off.
Which missing body of water is the most grievous omission from River Park Square’s striking representation of Inland Northwest lakes?
* Conspiracy theory: Somehow, car-wash owners are behind dust storms.
* No need for a show of hands: There are Spokane residents who sound like John Belushi doing a “samurai” routine when cramming one last bag into the trash barrel.
* Multiple choice: “If I stayed home and telecommuted, the thing I’d miss about my workplace is …”
a. the urbane banter.
b. refueling certain fantasies.
c. witnessing photocopier rage.
d. the enobling spirit of teamwork.
e. making knowing eye contact.
f. meetings and office politics.
g. the wisdom, the maturity.
h. showing off my new outfits.
* Warning: Several local neighborhoods have alarming densities of guys named Brad.
* The 6th Commandment for Life in Spokane: Thou shall not expect workaholism to impress anyone.
* Slowest elevator in town (continued): Jan Angulo nominated one at the Otis Hotel.
“I’ve stood on glaciers that moved faster. I’m a touch claustrophobic and I sometimes mentally say a prayer or recite a bit of poetry or a song lyric to keep from dwelling on the fact that I’m locked in a steel box suspended in the middle of a building. In the Otis Hotel elevator, I can get in the Lord’s Prayer, the Doxology, my two favorite Psalms (23 and 121) and a couple of verses of `Amazing Grace.’
“That’s just between the lobby and the first floor.”
* On the plus side: The Inland Northwest is not air-kiss country.
* Slice answer: Duane Steiger might own this area’s most impressive collection of ratty, old sweaters, said several regulars at the nerve center of Whitman County, the Dusty Cafe.
* There’s no easy way to say: “You’ve told me that exact same story once every six months for the entire 10 years I’ve known you.”
* Annie Shiffer wonders: “Have you ever seen someone talking to herself while driving a car and then realized she was singing along to the same radio station you had playing?”
* Today’s Slice question: The worst drivers in Spokane are …
a. cell phone users.
b. community college students.
c. insecure men.
d. soccer moms.
e. other.