What’S On When
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David Kronke of the Los Angeles Daily News offers his take on upcoming sweeps programming:
Tonight
“The ‘70s” (NBC) — In the manner of predecessor “The `60s,” this miniseries follows four friends who somehow manage to be a part of virtually every significant event of the decade.
“Arabian Nights” (ABC) — Robert Halmi Sr., fresh from the, er, whatever “The Tenth Kingdom” was, returns with more miniseries-sized special effects and fantasy.
“Take Me Home: The John Denver Story” (CBS) — Chad Lowe, aka Mr. Hilary Swank, essays the sensitive singer-songwriter.
Monday
“Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” (ABC) — As if this show needs higher ratings, it offers a weeklong series of celebrity editions, featuring David Duchovny, Queen Latifah, Ray Romano and, yes, Rosie O’Donnell.
Wednesday
“Party of Five” (Fox) — The Salingers bid viewers adieu; America shrugs.
Thursday
“World’s Funniest Game Show Moments” (Fox) — Words cynical enough don’t exist to describe this one.
Friday
“Sabrina, The Teenage Witch” (ABC) — Sabrina enjoys her last days of potentially strong ratings before moving next season to The WB. Also tonight: The series finale of “Boy Meets World,” which I’m pretty sure no one has ever watched.
May 7
“Geppetto” (ABC) — Drew Carey not only dances, but sings in this musical version of “Pinocchio” co-starring Julia Louis Dreyfuss.
“Jason and the Argonauts” (NBC) — See “Arabian Nights” above.
May 8
“The 4th Annual Celebrity Weddings: In Style” (ABC) - Those darn celebrities just keep getting married, and In Style magazine is there to coo and slobber all over them. Celine Dion and Jenny McCarthy represent the level of intellectual vigor at work here.
May 10
“The Drew Carey Show” (ABC) A lavish musical number commemorates the consummation of Drew and Kate’s relationship. The following week, Drew, in an admittedly shameless bid for an Emmy, closes the season with a parody of virtually every “very special” sitcom episode ever.
“Here’s to You, Charlie Brown: 50 Great Years!” (CBS) - Whoopi Goldberg hosts a tribute to the world’s most successful loser and everyone else in Charles Schulz’s beloved comic strip.
May 11
“ER” (NBC) - Julianna Marguiles is not listed in the credits for the May 18 season finale, involving a school shooting, so she may get jettisoned in this episode when her character revives a “do not resuscitate” patient and thereby irks Dr. Weaver (Laura Innes).
“Paranormal: Do You Believe?” (Fox) - From the network that, after the debacle that was “Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?,” swore that it was ceasing and desisting all tacky “reality” programming, comes more tacky “reality” programming.
May 12
“The 49th Miss Universe Pageant” (CBS) - An epistomological study in global socio-economic dynamics in which attractive young women in revealing clothing discuss their plans for improving the planet.
May 14
“Jesus” (CBS) - Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Blondish, Anglicized guy, clean-cut except for the long hair, beard and sandals, wanders otherwise swarthy environs doing good and encouraging others to do likewise and discovers no good deed goes unpunished, only to inspire an endless stream of blandly reverent biopics and miniseries.
May 16
“Dharma & Greg” (ABC) - This sitcom’s season ends with the happy couple thinking about a baby again.
“The Brady Bunch“ and “Diff’rent Strokes” (Fox) - Because our attention span won’t accommodate a two-hour movie, Fox strides boldly forward with two one-hour “original Mini-Movies.”
May 17
“The Judds Reunion: Power to Change” (CBS) - Former country duo Naomi and Wynonna hook up with their Hollywood contingent, Ashley, and celebrate their celebrity.
“Beverly Hills 90210” (Fox) - The prime-time soap leaves the air after a decade - about time - with everyone still confused about their feelings for one another.
May 18
“Frasier” (NBC) - This may be the one you’ve been waiting for: Niles (David Hyde Pierce) interrupts his romantic weekend with another woman to horn in on Daphne’s (Jane Leeves) soon-to-be disastrous wedding.
May 19
“The Dukes of Hazzard: Hazzard in Hollywood” (CBS) - The longclamored-for reunion takes place. John Schneider, Tom Wopat and Catherine Bach star.
May 20
“Early Edition” (CBS) - The season (and, likely, the series) concludes with Gary (Kyle Chandler) discovering why he has been receiving better newspaper service than the rest of us all these years.
“Walker, Texas Ranger” (CBS) - A two-hour season-ender finds Walker (Chuck Norris) and Alex (Sheree J. Wilson) the target of assassins just before their wedding. Guest-stars: Joan Jett and Tom Bosley (commence head-scratching now).
May 21
“Growing Up Brady” (NBC) - In the, um, tradition of “The David Cassidy Story” comes this teleflick about “The Brady Bunch” from the perspective of Barry Williams, who played Greg - and dated both his mom and his sister on the series. Stud!
“The Linda McCartney Story” (CBS) - Telebiopic about a woman known essentially for marrying well. At this rate, next May sweeps they’ll be doing movies about you and me.
“King of the Hill” (Fox) - Country singers Randy Travis, Clint Black, Wynonna Judd and others turn out for the season finale.
“The Simpsons” (Fox) - The venerable cartoon’s season finale parodies VH-1’s “Behind the Music” in a behind-the-scenes look at the money, madness and egos behind the series.
“Malcolm in the Middle” (Fox) - Bea Arthur guest-stars as the family hits a water park in the comedy sensation’s season finale.
May 22
“Ally McBeal” (Fox) - They’ve already killed off Billy, so what can they do for an encore? Ally (Calista Flockhart) slips into something more comfortable - a new relationship.
“Everybody Loves Raymond” (CBS) - All the facts behind Robert’s (Brad Garrett) divorce are revealed.
May 23
“Will & Grace” (NBC) - Grace (Debra Messing) fools around with Will’s (Eric McCormack) boss (guest Gregory Hines); other relationships change drastically in the sitcom’s hourlong season finale.
“Judging Amy” (CBS) - Amy finds romance at last - or does she? - in the hit drama’s first-season cliffhanger. Gregory Harrison costars as the potential paramour.
“NYPD Blue” (ABC) - The cop drama’s seventh season concludes with a two-hour special as co-star Andrea Thompson departs for a career as a TV news anchor.
“Opening the Tombs of the 10,000 Mummies Live: The Search for Egyptian Gold” (Fox) - See “Paranormal: Do You Believe?” above.
May 24
“Law & Order” - Two one-hour episodes air back to back, including the season finale in which McCoy (Sam Waterston) prosecutes a foreign dignitary for a 27-year-old murder.
“Spin City” (ABC) - Michael J. Fox sews up the year’s best-actor-in-a-sitcom Emmy in this bittersweet hourlong season finale.