Lift Ticket Does Not Really Equal Residency

Fri., Dec. 1, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Threatening to pack up and head to Canada over the presidential election isn’t all that impressive if you’re really just talking about a quick ski trip to British Columbia.

* Reader challenge: Complete the following sentence.

If God had meant for there to be a north-south freeway, He would’ve…

* How to tell if your kids are watching too much “Star Trek” (submitted by Glenna Ainley of Othello): “While helping me at work one day, my 10-year-old son, Kellen, asked, `Mom, are the bathrooms operational?”’

Her reply? “Fully operational.”

* Saying grace: Naomi Ruediger of St. John shared this.

About a year ago, at a weekly youth group dinner, a high school football player was asked to offer the blessing before a meal that had been prepared by the football coach.

The lad bowed his head and began. “Dear Lord, thank you for this food. Please don’t let us catch anything from it.”

The boy in question was never asked to say grace again.

* Just wondering: Is orally making sounds that simulate various kinds of engine trouble a dying art?

* A Colville reader named Ann has a question: “I would like to know how many readers who have seen the television ad for the casino in Idaho where the pop machine `pays off’ think that man should only take the pop he paid for, and consider it stealing to fill his pockets, as shown in the ad?

“When a casino slot machine pays off, that’s a built-in risk that the management takes in order to get your money most of the time. But a malfunctioning pop machine is not so intended and does not have that profit margin built in to the price. And therefore I think the ad is a bad example for all viewers, but especially kids. Any votes for honesty?”

* Slice answer: Liz Schatz recalled the time during her college days when she had to fix a flat outside Sprague, Wash. “I was wearing a tent dress, the kind that’s made from yards of fabric. Every time a semi went by my dress ballooned up like a parachute, exposing the real me covered only by a pair of skimpy panties.”

* Warm-up question: If you were struck mute and magically plopped down in the middle of a local grocery store — a busy store you didn’t recognize, how long would it take you to tell what part of town you were in?

* Today’s Slice question: When driving car A, is your personality different from when driving car B?

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