Saints Have Come Marching Into Prominence

For three months, The Man has ignored the New Orleans Saints.

(For most of 1789, Louis XVI ignored the French proletariat, and look what happened there.) So, before I lose my license to remark expertly on the NFL - and before some bourbon-and-water bourgeoisie from the French Quarter storm my basement apartment - I have decided it is time to examine this burgeoning NFC West powerhouse.

Go and figure: The Saints move into first place after they lose Ricky Williams and Jeff Blake. This is like “MASH” getting better without Trapper John and Henry Blake.

Now in their 34th year of existence, the Saints have had exactly five winning seasons. (Curiously, this closely parallels the precise life and times of Robert Downey Jr.). From 1997 to 1999 under Mike Ditka, the Saints were 15-33; this season, under Jim Haslett (also known as “Jim Who?”), the Saints are 8-4.

How?

The offensive line has been superb. Wide receiver Joe Horn (67 catches) is having a Pro Bowl-type season. The defense is allowing an NFC-best 268.8 yards a game, with tackle La’Roi Glover amassing a league-high 16 sacks.

Beyond that, we’re talking more castaways than a “Gilligan’s Island” reunion.

In last week’s stunning 31-24 Saints victory in St. Louis, second-year quarterback Aaron Brooks made his first NFL start.

The Saints’ leading rusher against the Rams was Jerald Moore, who had helped out at linebacker and special teams two weeks earlier. In 1999, Moore was out of football. For all we know, two years ago he was a forest ranger at Yellowstone National Park.

The Saints opened the Rams game with an onside kick. They overcame 17 penalties. They often played seven defensive backs against the pass-happy Rams, despite the fact that their secondary coach is Rick Venturi (career NFL head coaching record: 2-17).

For bucking these long odds (and feudal oppression), the Saints now deserve my support. So this week, I’ll go with New Orleans, at home against the Denver Broncos, as a one-point favorite.

(TV Note I: Why did CBS’ all-weather “NFL Today” retreat indoors last week when it rained in New York? They didn’t have electrocution insurance.)

(TV Note II: To dress up drab Chiefs-Patriots game Monday night, ABC will allow Dennis Miller to utter two profanities per half.)

As always, the following picks against the point spread are for recreational purposes only:

Giants at Redskins (-5-1/2): This is a battle between old Eastern money and new Eastern money. And as The Man has proven throughout an erratic, mismanaged career, I don’t like money, period… . If Jim Fassel’s a good poker player, then I’m an accomplished concert pianist. … Highhanded Redskins honcho Daniel M. Snyder pressuring Giants to concede… . Giants: Today 8-4, tomorrow 8-8. Pick: Redskins.

Titans (-3) at Eagles: His 125-yard game notwithstanding, Eagles QB Donovan McNabb always looks like he’s running on a hot waffle iron… . Titans K Al Del Greco now regrets Saturday brunch last month with Lin Elliott. Pick: Titans.

Rams (-7-1/2) at Panthers: With Kurt Warner back, we’ll again get to hear his favorite audible: “Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.” … I saw George Seifert the other night in a mine shaft. He was wearing sunglasses. Pick: Rams.

Seahawks at Falcons (-1): One of these days, either Mike Holmgren or Jon Kitna’s not coming back out of Seahawks locker room after halftime… . Falcons coach Dan Reeves gives up on Zocor, switches to Tagamet. Pick: Falcons.

Chiefs at Patriots (-1): To make start last week, Chiefs QB Warren Moon had to forfeit AARP membership… . Things David Blaine has in his ice-tomb: heart monitor, air tube, Patriots playbook. Pick: Chiefs.

Raiders (-3) at Steelers: If Steelers really are Team of Destiny, then Immaculate Reception II is in the offing… . In bonus crossover, Raiders won 10th game and three skins, worth $125,000. Pick: Steelers.

Dolphins at Bills (-3-1/2): All I’m saying is this - if you put Rob Johnson in charge of the CIA, he’d pile up some pretty nice espionage numbers but we’d still lose the spy game. Pick: Dolphins.

Packers (-2) at Bears: Despite exclusivity deal, photos from Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta Jones wedding ended up among Bears’ sideline pictures last Sunday. Pick: Packers.

49ers (-2) at Chargers: If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Ladies and gentlemen, in my book, the Chargers are still winless. Pick: 49ers.

Cowboys at Buccaneers (-10): Cowboys requested film of Gore family touch football games, impressed with daughter Karenna’s open-field speed. Pick: Cowboys.

Browns at Jaguars (-14): In a one-time-only “players’ challenge,” Browns veterans want the hiring of coach Chris Palmer to be reversed. Pick: Jaguars.

Colts at Jets (-2-1/2): Even NASDAQ is closing the year stronger than the Colts… . Jets: Today 8-4, tomorrow 8-8. Pick: Colts.

Cardinals at Bengals (-3-1/2): Instead of putting plays on wristband, Cardinals QB Dave Brown will try Palm Pilot. Pick: Bengals.

Last week: 8-6-1. Season record: 91-91-5.