Even The Man Knows When To Eat Some Crow

Giants: Today 9-4, tomorrow 8-8. Jets: Today 9-4, tomorrow 8-8.

(The Man can be very, very stubborn.)

Proving me somewhat incorrect, New Jersey’s football finest each guaranteed itself a winning season last weekend.

Yes, it’s time for me to eat crow. And, on my budget, I’ll be doing that at a drive-thru.

I’d like to thank the many, many, many people - most of whom appear to be living in Paterson, Newark, Passaic, Elizabeth or Bergen Mall proper - who took the time over the past several days to point out my misprognostication.

What, like this is the first time I’ve been wrong?

(As I write this, for example, I’m wearing one of the two dozen leisure suits I purchased in 1973.)

I liked Beta over VHS. I proclaimed music videos to be “a fad.” I had Dukakis to win in ‘88. I was a major stockholder in Braniff.

Heck, legend has it that my great-great-great-great-great-great-great -great-great-great-grandfather bet Columbus that the earth was flat.

I still think Thunder and Lightning are more like Thunderbolt and Lightfoot. I still think the Giants’ offense is reminiscent of a landfill. I still think their coach, Amarillo Slim Fassel, is better suited for grout work. But remarkably, the Giants have a better record than Super Bowl favorites St. Louis, Tampa Bay and Washington; in fact, in the NFC, the Giants are better than everybody but the 11-2 Vikings.

(Fassel, incidentally, issued a gag order last week, prohibiting his players from talking about the team or its opponents. Topics they can discuss: NAFTA, good coffee drinks, XFL preseason, tax cuts, “La Boheme,” tunnel traffic, BCS, Jason Sehorn’s crib, Manifest Destiny, ex-girlfriends, Must See TV, photosynthesis, New Year’s Eve plans and Howard Stern.)

As for the Jets, I can’t get a handle on Al Groh. He recalls for me my eighth-grade phys ed teacher, the one who made me get on the pommel horse against my wishes. But Groh gets inspired play out of his team, manages to keep his players focused when they fall way behind and wears a sweatshirt as well as any coach in the league.

Despite my newfound respect for the Giants and the Jets, I will take my usual stand against them this week. Thus, I will support my Team of Destiny Unknown, the Steelers, as a 3-1/2-point underdog visiting the Giants, and I will support the Raiders, as a 3-1/2-point favorite, at home against the Jets.

(XFL note: New league will forego “injured reserve” for on-site E.R. with scantily-clad nurses.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Chargers at Ravens (-14): Other words banned from Ravens camp: postseason, apostrophe, pernicious, dysfunctional, crux, onomatopoeia, brassiere, didactic, fascist, interception, Socratic, nincompoop, amoeba, synergy, Pringles, sick leave, nifty, photosynthesis, baguette and oops.) Pick: Chargers.

Redskins (-6) at Cowboys: Revealed on Thursday: Terry Robiskie had started assembling “transition team” in October. Redskins highhanded honcho Daniel M. Snyder had dinner the other night with former Duke kicker Heather Sue Mercer. Cowboys’ run defense applied for FEMA funds Tuesday. Pick: Cowboys.

Eagles (-14) at Browns: I don’t want to say Browns rookie QB Spergon Wynn is wet behind the ears, but he’s been showing up on Doppler Radar. On the sideline, Browns coach Chris Palmer has the look of a man who’s been waiting for the cable installer all day. Pick: Browns.

Saints at 49ers (-2)

Curiously, when I watch 49ers QB Jeff Garcia in the pocket, I always think of Marlon Brando’s line as Terry in “On The Waterfront:” “I don’t like the country, the crickets make me nervous.” Pick: 49ers.

Vikings at Rams (-3-1/2)

Aside to Red McCombs: Owners don’t wear team jerseys, they buy them… . Aside to Randy Moss: Against Rams, you don’t even pretend to push off. Pick: Vikings.

Panthers at Chiefs (-2)

I suppose Chiefs QB Elvis Grbac may trust his body clock more than the game clock, in which case he needs to get an alarm. Pick: Panthers.

Seahawks at Broncos (-10)

Last Sunday, instead of “The Script” of Broncos’ first 15 plays, QB Gus Frerotte ended up with copy of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night.” Pick: Broncos.

Cardinals at Jaguars (-15)

This week, Florida judge N. Sanders Sauls also overturned several instant-replay calls against Jaguars. Pick: Cardinals.

Buccaneers at Dolphins (-2)

On the highway, you’ve got to figure Dolphins CB Sam Madison loves to tailgate. Pick: Dolphins.

Lions at Packers (-3-1/2)

Potentially, this is Brett Favre vs. Stoney Case. In other words, one team has an A-bomb, the other team has a peashooter. Pick: Packers.

Patriots at Bears (-2)

Bears in stalemate over selection of holiday card design. Pick: Patriots.

Bills at Colts (-6-1/2)

In off-season, Bills offensive line coach Carl Mauck screams at NFL Films. Pick: Colts.

Bengals at Titans (-13)

To help with “silent count,” Bengals brought in mime. Pick: Titans.

Last week: 6-8. Season record: 97-99-5.