Finish Grieving Process With Letter

Dear Nancy: Seven years ago in October my beloved husband died suddenly from a heart attack. Last Halloween, his 18-year-old daughter, whom I loved dearly, died in a car accident. October’s a hard month for me. Lately I’ve been dreaming about my husband a lot and the theme is always the same. I wake up crying and emotionally drained. - Sue

“It’s our wedding day and we’re very happy. We go through the ceremony and he puts my wedding ring on my finger. The dream skips to the present. I notice that we are the same age but everyone else has gotten older. My husband laughs and tells me, `I didn’t really die! This has all been a joke. …’ I’m crying because I know he’s really dead. I turn and run away.”

Dear Sue: Dream researchers have discovered that we are more likely to have dreams of our departed loved ones near the anniversary dates of their death. I understand why October is difficult for you. Two deaths - both sudden - must be hard to bear.

Symbolically, the number seven often signals the completion of a cycle. Every seven years is a cycle of death and rebirth. I wonder if your inner self, through your dreams, is asking you to complete your healing process so that you can go forward with your life.

I don’t know what your spiritual or religious beliefs are, but because of the letters I receive from people who dream about their deceased loved ones, I believe that life never ends, it just changes form. Most often the message in these dreams is one of comfort and assurance that the loved one is actually healthy and happy on the other side. Your husband is saying the same.

When we explored your dream on the phone, you shared that your husband was cremated and that you still have his ashes. Perhaps this is a sign that you are holding on to him and haven’t completely finished the grieving process. If you feel ready, I would suggest you write him a letter, telling him you love him and thanking him for being in your life. Include anything you wished you had said when he was living and tell him your plans for the future. Give him the goodbye that you never could before. This is your letter. Anything is suitable. Then, perhaps with a picture in front of you, read the letter to him and then burn it. Then take his ashes and spread them where you like. You have fulfilled your task and now can go on.

When you have completed this work with your husband, and truly let go, the door will most likely open up for you to have a new relationship.

Reader’s tip

Many people find that they can actually have conversations with their deceased loved ones in “visitation” dreams. Most often these conversations are comforting and insightful. Questions are answered, advice and warnings are given. This is an opportunity to complete and resolve these relationships.

Who or what are these dream images? Where do they come from? Are they a product of wishful thinking, or are they truly the soul of our loved ones making contact with us during sleep? I choose to believe, as many different cultures and religions do, that our loved ones become our “guardian angels” and our guides, helping us to live our lives fully.

If you’ve had a “visitation” dream you’d like to share, please send it in.