Invaluable Info For All Shoppers

Sat., Dec. 23, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Apparently the stores have been open all along.

Had you heard that?

Well, whatever. For some of us, Christmas shopping season starts today.

But before heading out there to commit commerce, you’ll want to check out The Slice’s Top 30 Tips For Last Minute Shopping.

1. Heed those voices in your head.

2. Realize that your budget is a joke.

3. Remember that your teenage nieces are no longer 4 years old.

4. If you get elbowed, shoved, slashed or cross-checked, do not retaliate. Stay focused.

5. Think twice before purchasing lingerie for co-workers.

6. Most people do not regard vacuum cleaners as romantic gifts.

7. When making a gift of tickets, consider whether the recipient might possibly enjoy the event.

8. You might think it’s hilarious. But bad taste is just bad taste.

9. Save receipts.

10. Poundage is not a reliable measure of a book’s worth.

11. When shopping for clothes for women, know sizes.

12. Remember: It’s not really possible to understand clothes sizes for women.

13. Kids want what they can’t have.

14. Some people actually dislike it when it is obvious that you spent a lot on them.

15. Those people are not on your list.

16. If you think you can’t hold 17 shopping bags at one time, try harder.

17. Stick to products made on Earth.

18. There are guys who actually would like to receive a necktie.

19. Your Uncle Dave is not one of them.

20. Regionally-themed gifts almost always fool newcomers into thinking you are letting them in on some local lifestyle secret.

21. Avoid self-improvement books.

22. Get the red one.

23. Do you really think your sister would appreciate you getting your 11-year-old nephew a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar?

24. Flu is not an excuse.

25. Get the larger size.

26. Don’t get too many gifts that include “o-matic” in the name.

27. In most cases, gift certificates are like not trying.

28. Avoid gifts that will elicit that panicked “What is it?” look.

29. If you are one of those people who use a whole roll of tape on one package, have them wrap it.

30. Remember. The stores will be open tomorrow, too.

* Today’s Slice question: Has a gift ever prompted you to reconsider what you thought of someone?

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