Cats Could Secretively Be Party Animals

Cats vomit, a lot, and I know why.

As anyone who has cats will attest, there’s nothing quite like waking up in the morning, sleep still in your eyes, and stepping on the cold slippery pile of recycled cat hair that your cat has deposited on the bedroom floor.

Sadly, one of the trials and tribulations of cat ownership is watching/listening to Puss-Puss hurl up hairballs, mimicking old college buddies who drank too much and found themselves laughing at the ground.

Here’s a secret revealed in print for the first time:

I’m convinced the majority of cats are binge-drinking, frat-cats who slip away while we sleep to party hardy. Then, with typical cat stealth, they return home shortly before dawn, go into violent convulsions, and do a projectile hair-yawn on the floor, the bed, or — yikes — on us.

Although some people claim that hairballs are harmless, I counter: When was the last time you had the dry heaves, retched, and thought to yourself, “That felt good. I can’t wait until that happens again.”

While hairballs aren’t life threatening, a recent survey found that nearly 96 percent of all cat owners thought hairballs were a serious health problem and wanted to reduce them, and, if possible, find a way to stop them altogether. After all, cats are fur children to most pet owners.

Hairballs are formed because cats swallow hair while they groom themselves. And, as you know, when our beloved cats aren’t sleeping, basking in the sun, or dining on gourmet meals, they are grooming and cleaning their luxurious fur. They’re worse than a teenage daughter, who only spends about 11 hours a day doing her hair. Cats easily use a significant part of their day caring for their coats. While this results in a glowingly beautiful lion’s mane of hair, the downside is that the swallowed fur collects in the intestinal tract, where it remains until it is violently ejected. No cat lover enjoys watching their baby retch and gag on these horrific hairballs.

As a veterinarian and proud cat owner, nothing delighted me more than to learn about Hill’s Science Diet Hairball Control Diet.

In one of the most successful product launches in years, this new miracle cure not only prevents the formation of hairballs, it also helps cats pass their hairballs harmlessly and without fanfare in the stool. Intended for adult and senior cats and also available in a light formula, this new food contains a natural vegetable fiber which safely, gently, and effectively acts like an intestinal Roto-Rooter (or kitty Drano). Your cat’s raspy little tongue will still auger in a lot of loose hair, but it will simply pass right through and out the other end, undetected.

Alternatives? Petroleum jelly-based hairball control products are traditionally administered by having four family members, weighing a collective 400 pounds, hold down a 10-pound cat while trying to force the loathsome stuff into his mouth. Most of the medicine ends up not on the inside of the cat, but on the outside of the cat, the ceiling or you.

Finally, we have a hairball solution with a taste that cats really love. No more retching reveille in the morning, no more hair-bunnies lurking on the floor, and no more administration of hairball goop. Just a delicious, well-balanced diet that cats crave, with hair today that’s gone tomorrow.

It’s available at veterinary hospitals and pet stores everywhere.