I.D.? He Has Another Idea

Thu., Jan. 13, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

An unsteady man who looked about 30 protested when asked to show an I.D. while trying to buy beer.

“It’s the law,” explained the cashier, a regular Slice contributor.

“The law?” said the wobbly customer. “Go ahead and call ‘em. They’ll tell you how old I am.”

* Slice answer: “A friend of mine taught Sunday school class for a group of 6-year-olds,” wrote Annita Davison. “The teacher’s manual suggested beginning each lesson with a review of the previous week. So the teacher, recalling last Sunday’s class on the disciple Peter — the big fisherman — asked the class, `Now who remembers who Peter was?’

“One enthusiastic first-grader jumped to his feet and yelled, `I know this one!’ “

His answer?

“Pumpkin Eater!” the lad exclaimed before sitting back down, looking quite pleased with himself.

* Midwest West: A friend who lives in Spokane and works in Coeur d’Alene noticed a minivan near Liberty Lake. It had Michigan vanity plates reading “SPOKANE.”

He came up with a couple possible explanations.

Perhaps the minivan’s driver is originally from this area. And, when not vacationing back here in the Northwest, he wants to show those in the Great Lakes State that he misses his old hometown.

Or maybe the vehicle is owned by an Eastern Washington motorist who, prior to I-695, took registering out of state to ridiculous extremes.

* Already gone: What’s your explanation for the fact that the Eagles’ “Greatest Hits, 1971-1975” is the top-selling album of all time?

a.) the Eagles didn’t smile much.

b.) a lot of middle-aged white guys sometimes wish it was still 1975.

c.) the Eagles were skeptical about the redemptive power of beautiful women.

d.) Eagles songs, sung by a prickly guy from Texas and an annoyed guy from Michigan, brought the mythic New West to every corner of America and placed personal reinvention within a daydream’s reach.

e.) other.

* One reader wonders: “I clean houses for a living,” wrote Janet Baden. “Almost every house has one or more puff-ball nylon scrubbing sponges in the showers. What I want to know is, do people really use them or are they for looks?”

* Another Slice answer: “No,” wrote Leonard Riley. “I do not think WSU should be invited to join the Big Sky Conference. The Big Sky should not have to lower its standards.”

* Today’s Slice question: If there was a Spokane uniform, what ballcap would complete the ensemble?

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