The Truth About Our Rat Problem
Considering the river and all, it’s kind of amazing that Spokane doesn’t have more rats.
Or maybe there are plenty and the media have conspired to cover it up.
* You never know when you might have to decide: If the fate of the world were on the line, which of your co-workers would you choose to take an all-important free-throw?
* Case closed: That minivan with the Michigan plates saying “SPOKANE”? It belongs to Jack Gordon, who grew up in Spokane (Gonzaga Prep ‘65). He now lives in Sault Ste. Marie, Mich., a place with winters that make ours seem puny.
It might not shock you to learn that Michiganders noting Gordon’s license plate almost invariably pronounce it “Spo-cain.”
* Notes from a quick tour of Cheney bars: 1. Despite what you might have suspected, men’s room vending machines stocked with condoms have not become extinct.
2. It apparently does not occur to some tavern employees that carding two people in a party of three can make the odd man out feel old.
* Says here: The real problem with Spokane TV news is that the local stations show too much restraint when it comes to slapping dramatic labels on stories. Instead of waiting for a big fire or civic controversy, why not come up with breathless labels for every story? C’mon, news directors, you know you want to.
We’ll help you get started.
“Slushfest 2000.”
“Mild Flu Outbreak 2000!”
“Storm of the Millennium.”
“Super Bowl Parties 2000!”
“Stupid Valentine’s Day Feature!”
“Elected Official Expressing Concern About Something 2000!”
* Three things everyone ought to say at least once: 1. “Make it a double.”
2. “We’re getting the band back together.”
3. “Who ARE those guys?”
* From The Slice’s e-mail: “What is to be done about co-workers who bore us daily with tales of their treacherous commutes from far-flung places?” one reader asked.
She’s tempted to tell them to either move closer to town or shut up.
* Necessities: As part of a time- capsule project last month, some fifth graders at Spokane’s Hutton Elementary School were asked what they would take with them into the next century. Lindsey Kinney wrote: “I would take my memory, my family and my special bear and blanket.”
* Today’s Slice question: What Inland Northwesterner owns the most pairs of shoes?