Did You Hear The One About …
A young man of 7 had been staring at a plaque located on a prominent wall of the church for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him.
Gazing up at the plaque, he said quietly, “Good morning, Johnny.”
“Good morning, Pastor,” replied the young man, not taking his eyes off the plaque.
“Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.
“Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service,” replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny’s voice broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one, sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”
A mother was teaching her 3-year-old daughter the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to go solo. The mother listened with pride as her daughter carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. “And lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some e-mail. Amen.”
From church bulletins: “Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.”
“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
“For those of you with children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
“This afternoon there will be a meeting at the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.”
“Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mother’s Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.”
“This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Miller to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.”
“Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.”
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were all in a boat together fishing.
The minister says to the others, “I think I am going over to the shore and sit down.” So he gets out of the boat, walks across the water, and sits down on the shore.
Then the priest says to the rabbi, “I think I am going to go over there and join him.” So he does the same as the minister and sits next to him on the shore.
The rabbi thinks to himself, “Well, if they can do it, so can I!” He climbs out of the boat but he sinks immediately.
The minister says to the priest, “Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?”
A minister, a rabbi and a priest were at an ecumenical gathering.
As they were seated at the same conference table, their discussion got around to problems in their respective places of worship. All three of them had problems with bats in the belfry.
The minister admitted that he had actually crawled up there and shot them. But then he had holes in the roof and had to have that repaired.
The rabbi said that he had set traps for the bats, but they still came back.
The priest said that he baptized the bats, then confirmed them, and he hasn’t seen them since.
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.
“I’ve just found a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.
The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”
A week later the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and the cause of death. How in the world did you know?”
“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said `Ten thousand shekels on Goliath.”’