Set Up Dream-Sharing Time Each Day
Dear Nancy: Lately my 7 year old daughter has been sharing her dreams with me. I want to encourage her to continue looking at her dreams, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Do you have any suggestions? - Rita
Dear Rita: In the past, many people in our culture have thought of dreams as something to scorn, fear or just ignore. We learned this when our parents, trying to reassure us, said, “Don’t pay any attention to it. It was only a dream.” Think how different our lives would be if we were shown from early childhood that our dreams are valuable sources of adventure and insight, to be nurtured and attended.
Dream sharing is a simple and enjoyable way to develop a close and fun relationship with your children. Deeper relationships unfold in a supportive dream-sharing environment where the child learns that it is safe to share all of his feelings, including his hopes, fears and concerns.
I suggest that you set up a regular dream-sharing time. This could be the first thing in the morning around the breakfast table. Dreams are freshest before the day’s activities have taken over our thoughts.
Every person in the family should share a dream. Yes, even the parents! Although very young children may not understand that a dream occurs in sleep, they should be encouraged to share along with everyone else. Don’t worry that it is just a story they’ve made up. These stories are just as entertaining and insightful as if they had been dreams, and it will encourage your little ones to share and use their imagination. Make it a fun time. Encourage laughter and a light touch, especially in the beginning.
Remember that the most important role you have is to listen to your child. Let children have the experience of knowing that whatever they share is important to you. Allow the dream its place at the table as if it is an honored guest. Appreciate it without rushing in to analyze or resolve it. Don’t negate the disturbing ones by saying, they shouldn’t feel upset; it was only a dream. Children need to know that they can safely share their inner world, without criticism or fear of ridicule. Never force a child to tell a dream until he or she is ready.
After a distressing nightmare, children are often anxious and insecure. Dream sharing can give them the opportunity to put the dream outside of themselves and into a safe arena, where the family can be comforting allies. It can be fun and healing for each member of the family to take on the role of different characters from the dream with the purpose of creating a more positive ending for the child. This lets the child know that he or she is not powerless and alone, that the monster can be tamed by either making friends with it or calling on some magical powers to make it go away. When you teach children to face and address the monsters in the dreamworld, they are more likely to be less fearful and have a healthier way of dealing with challenges in the waking world.
As your children grow, this morning dream sharing will become the place where family issues, spirituality and the challenges of growing up can be addressed. When dreams are shared and honored within families in this way, deep and honest communication becomes a way of life.