Let’S Call Oliver Stone

Sat., March 4, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

You’re going to think this is crazy.

But The Slice has noticed that a lot of Idaho residents originally came from other states beginning with the letter “I.” And a surprisingly large number of Washington residents moved here from other states starting with “W.”

Coincidence or conspiracy?

* Spokane has been called worse: “Even now, for many outsiders, the Heart of the Inland Empire has the reputation of a charming little city with a meat-and-potatoes mentality.”

— from the March/April issue of Northwest Palate magazine

* Just wondering: If you addressed a member of that uniformed downtown anti-panhandling patrol as “Junior Birdman,” would he or she take offense?

* No, you’re not the only one: Who has never watched “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” and only recently figured out why people kept saying “Final answer?”

* You know you’re not having a good parenting day when:

1. You hear yourself telling your 11-year-old, “If you roll your eyes at me one more time, I’m going to lock you in your room until you’re 21.”

2. You can’t stop mumbling, “Gotta be a prescription that could fix that kid.”

3. Everything that comes to mind would, if you were playing hockey, net you a five-minute major.

* The Bray family of Spokane wonders: What’s with the fake owls atop utility poles in Sandpoint?

* Safety reminder: Tossing the remote control across a dark living room can lead to unsightly bruises, chipped teeth and groin injuries.

* Reasons to go on living:

1. The sight of unsteady toddlers leaning against big, gentle dogs.

2. To see strong mayor fiascoes.

3. To keep boycotting Safeco Field.

4. Getting to scoff at baby names.

* Slice answer: “When Spokane area residents searching for organizational leadership suggest they need to find someone familiar with the West’s values and culture, they are really saying that they are fearful of those not native to this area.” — Mary McDonnell

* Warm-up questions: What Inland Northwest resident is the most stubborn about refusing to get a hearing aid despite overwhelming evidence that one is needed? If “The Spokane Valley” were a TV show, what would be a good theme song?

* Today’s Slice question: In the Spokane area, can you tell a man’s politics from his facial hair?

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