A Handy Reminder

Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “In keeping with his new Czar-like powers as baseball commissioner, Bud Selig has ordered the list of penalties for bad behavior laminated on wallet-sized cards for all players to have handy whenever stupidity threatens to seize them.

“Some examples: Gambling - Lifetime ban, Pete Rose. Drugs - Season, Darryl Strawberry. Bigotry - 73 days, John Rocker. Andro-cardiovascular disease, liver dysfunction, high cholesterol, optional.

When the circus comes to town

Claire Smith of the Philadelphia Inquirer is not amused by Dennis Rodman’s on-court antics:

“Circuses shouldn’t draw more attention than legitimate games, but sadly they sometimes do. When Rodman does, Rodman wins, laughing all the way to the bank.

“No one knows better than he that no matter how outrageous the rings in his nose are, the biggest remain implanted in the sniffers of those he has snookered for years.”

Could be the real thing

Dan Shaughnessy in the Boston Globe: “Ted Williams visited the Red Sox training site (recently). The other Ted Williams.

“A resident of Springville, N.Y., Williams was just another fan - one with a famous name - at the Sox compound. He stood with other fans outside the yellow ropes and begged for autographs.

“He’s 53 years old and took a lot of heat growing up in New York with a name like Ted Williams.

“`I got teased about it all the time,’ said Williams, who was a right-handed hitter in high school. `They yelled a lot of nasty things at me when I played baseball.”’

Imagine the things the “real” Ted Williams had to hear.

Down beat

Matthew Engel, editor of the respected Cricket Almanac Wisden, is quitting because the English teams are lousy.

“When you are continually writing downbeat articles, it can become very tiresome, very difficult,” he said.

At least he hasn’t covered the WSU Cougars the past two years.

The last word …

“I understand she hit (her boyfriend) with a hubcap because apparently the bottle of Wild Turkey was not empty.”

- David Letterman, on Tonya Harding’s latest scuffle.