You Must Remember This …

A few months ago, I did a serious, scientifically based and very informative segment on ABC’s “Good Morning America” on zoonosis, diseases that are transmissible between pets and people — things ranging from rabies and ringworm, psittacosis and parasites, to giardiasis and cat-scratch fever.

Staring straight into the camera, I told more than 4 million viewers that, for reasons of science, sanitation and safety, they shouldn’t let their pets lick them on the mouth and shouldn’t kiss their pets on the mouth.

That very same day, after a grueling commute from New York City back to my mountain oasis in North Idaho, I was greeted by the official welcoming committee of Almost Heaven Ranch: Scooter, the wire-haired fox terrier, and Sirloin, the Labrador retriever.

As they rushed to greet me in a delighted frenzy of fur, and we collided, I experienced a momentary bout of amnesia. Or maybe I was suffering from the dreaded childhood affliction of “Liar, liar pants on fire.” Forgetting the health lessons I’d taught only hours before, I proceeded to let both Scooter and Sirloin lick my face and give me the equivalent of a canine tonsil swab with their high-speed tongues.

How could I, as America’s self-proclaimed best-loved family doctor for pets, do the exact opposite of what I’d prescribed for millions?

Simply put, emotion got in the way of logic. My brain controlled the TV appearance, but my heart was in charge of the hero’s welcome home, courtesy of the family pets. And everyone knows that when your heart and your brain battle it out, the heart always wins.

But you know what? I have a lot of pet-puckering company.

A few weeks after the TV appearance, I told the entire story over the dinner table to family and friends who had gathered for the holidays — and even re-enacted the furry French-kissing scene. Most at the table smiled or nodded in agreement. But a couple of them displayed disgust.

Evidently, I said, not everyone likes to see people kissing or being kissed by their pets. Then I asked rhetorically, if given the choice of either kissing Scooter or someone else at the table, with whom would you choose to smooch?

Everyone’s eyes swiveled to Scooter, the target typifying the deep affection-connection we have for our pets that we call “The Bond.”

One person pretty much summed up the atmosphere by saying, “I’d rather kiss Scooter on places other than her mouth than be kissed on the lips by anyone else at this table.”

We laughed and laughed, but no one disagreed.