Hopes, Expectations Conflicting
Dear Nancy: I’m a college sophomore and have had this dream about once a week for the past four months. It’s very disturbing. Any insight you can offer would be very helpful. - Kris
It’s my wedding day, and the preparations my parents have made are extravagant. Everything is beautiful, with flowers everywhere. The pews are decorated in silk, and the bridesmaids are gorgeous in their long flowing gowns. But I don’t know the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I don’t even recognize him, much less love him. I can’t do this, I think to myself. But how can I disappoint my parents who have done so much? I’m marrying a man I don’t know, and I’m doing nothing to stop it. A few steps before the alter, I exclaim, “I just can’t do this!” and run to the exit. I wake up in a panic.
Dear Kris: When we explored your dream together over the telephone, my first question was if you are engaged or in a serious relationship, and you assured me you are not.
We do know, however, that this dream is very important because you’ve had it for months.
You said the main feeling in this dream is the fear of disappointing your parents. When I asked if there was a situation in your life that triggers that particular fear, you said your parents are paying a lot of money for you to attend one of the country’s most prestigious universities, and that you feel guilty because you’re not sure if you even want to be in college right now.
No wonder you’re having this dream. This is a major conflict.
Weddings in dreams often represent the coming together of the feminine (intuitive) and masculine (intellectual) parts of the self. Because of this, weddings are usually a very positive symbol. You are being asked to unite with your intellectual abilities. If you are not very familiar with that part of yourself, it certainly could feel like having to marry a stranger.
Attending university is often as challenging and life-changing as a marriage. Do you have problems intellectually grasping the material? Do you have good study habits? Are you taking classes that really interest you? Talking to an advisor might help get you through this quandary. I’d suggest having a talk with your parents, too. You might find them more understanding and helpful than you expect.
Also, don’t forget this dream may be precognitive. If you happen to fall in love and decide to marry quickly, it may be a warning that you don’t really know the groom very well.
Dreamer’s tip
What kind of dream environments do you find yourself in? Do you tend to go back again and again to the same dreamscapes?
Every month or two, look through your journal for environments that repeatedly show up in your dreams. These backgrounds set the stage for the dream to be enacted and often give the dreamer clues as to the meaning of the dream. For instance, if you constantly dream of your work environment, the dream’s message is likely to be job related. If you frequently find yourself back in your childhood home, the issues involved could be ones that remind you of your family of origin.
How do you feel about these places in your dreams? Are they friendly or cold; nurturing or frightening? How do they reflect your feelings about your life?