Kids Need Help In Trying Times

Most people know well the gestures to make when someone you care about is sick or has died. When a person falls ill, you send a card, prepare a meal, offer to visit. When someone dies, you attend the memorial service, send cards, flowers or memorials, keep in touch with family members.

But what is the etiquette when a family is in distress because a family member has been charged with a horrible crime? Recently, the family of Robert L. Yates Jr. experienced that reality. Yates is a suspect in the serial killer murders; he’s in jail on $1.5 million bail. He has a wife and five children and they are all part of a larger community.

Those who rallied around family members - and many did - provide a clear example of what to do right in a tense and awkward situation.

First of all, most people worried about the children. They placed themselves in the lives of those young people, showing compassion and care. The schools protected the children from the media and others who wanted to pry. They sent along homework. Friends and extended family members protected the children, too.

Next, the Spokane County’s Sheriff’s Office made sure the family had a place to stay. The department’s chaplaincy program set up a fund for the family, and many people have contributed money.

The Yates family isn’t the first to be involved in a high-profile murder case. And they won’t be the last. Though most families don’t have to face a murder charge against one of its members, many families face embarrassing situations. Maybe a teen is arrested or tries to kill himself or maybe an adult in the family gets in trouble with the law.

Grief experts agree that even in the most awkward situations of loss, silence is never the best response. If you are a friend, say or write something, even if it’s just “I’m sorry.”

And never neglect the children in those distressed families. In hard times, they need strong, reassuring adults to help them navigate the darkness.