As You Know, ‘Jaws’ Means ‘Aaauuggghh’

No doubt you’ve read stories about movies that get shown over and over for the benefit of cult-like audiences that participate in the event by shouting out key lines along with the actors up on the screen.

The films in question range from “Rocky Horror Picture Show” to “The Sound of Music.”

But do you want to know what would catch on in Spokane and Coeur d’Alene?

“Jaws.”

Just think. Here’s a movie that combines an Inland Northwest-like love of summer with pigheaded local officials making really bad public policy decisions. What’s not to like?

Night after night, people could attend the screenings dressed up as everything from the harried police chief to the bearded shark expert.

Jawsites could come to the theater wearing all-black mourning costumes (the woman whose little boy got chomped) or be the shortsighted mayor wearing that awful 70s sport coat. The list goes on and on.

Best of all, the movie — celebrating its 25th anniversary — has lots of lines that would be fun to shout out.

“Ulp!”

“This wasn’t a boat accident!”

“Do not smoke in here.”

“The beach WILL be open.”

“You wanna let that breathe?”

“So Chief, I see ya got your rubbers.”

“That’s one bad hat, Harry.”

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

“Fast fish.”

“As you know, Amity means friendship.”

“Martin, it wasn’t your fault.”

“You are a degenerate!” (Oh, wait. That’s from “The Graduate.”)

“Want to fool around?”

“Not with three barrels in him.”

“Can we go home now?”

“Aaauuuuugghhhhh!”

Would-be cultists can practice their participatory viewing tonight. According to TV Week, “Jaws” is on KXLY-TV, starting at 8.

Just don’t watch it with anyone who has seen it fewer than 10 times.

* Body language: Slice reader Chris White told about a friend of his named Vince who has one. And now we’re wondering. How many others have a permanent Expo ‘74 tattoo?

* Slice weather forecast: Certain areas can expect about a quarter-inch of apple blossoms today.

* Best speakers: It’s a bit early to start compiling Top 10 lists for the year. But Rabbi Harold Kushner’s visit to Spokane will certainly belong in at least one category.

* Today’s Slice question: In Spokane, what’s the best business to get into if you are ambitious but stupid?