Abe Lincoln Casket Replica Knocks ‘Em Dead

Unless you’re a member of the Addams Family, you probably don’t consider hanging around a coffin an enjoyable way to spend the holiday weekend.

Dennis Murphy is hoping to change your mind.

Murphy is the general manager of Spokane’s Heritage Funeral Home, 508 N. Government Way. Boy, does he have an offer for you.

Step right up, folks. Now appearing at Heritage through Tuesday: One genuine replica of President Abraham Lincoln’s coffin.

That’s right. The public is invited to come see the long black box adorned with sterling silver handles and decorative studs. Bring the kiddies. Admission is free.

Not to worry. Genuine replica of a President Lincoln corpse NOT included.

Promotions (a la yo-yo demonstrations, galumphing cloggers, accordion marathons …) are an American enterprise staple for luring potential customers to shopping malls, car lots and real estate ventures. We all know that.

But this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a funeral parlor sending out press releases and placing advertisements to drum up a crowd. As Murphy points out, however, death is not only inevitable, but also a business. “How are you going to sell this place if you don’t get the people in here,” he says. The Lincoln coffin is “something to attract them.”

Murphy got the idea last year, when he saw the copycat coffin at a convention for funeral directors. He booked it, figuring it would be “a perfect draw” for the Memorial Day weekend.

So far, the attraction seems to be working. A lot more than four score and seven people have already come calling since the exhibit opened last week. “The doors haven’t stopped swinging,” notes Murphy.

One of those visitors, Marilyn Landis, arrived Friday morning with camera in tow.

The Lincoln coffin was beautifully displayed in one of the posh Heritage viewing rooms. There are floral sprays and American flags. “President Lincoln” was embossed on a nameplate outside the room.

“We try to have a little humor into this thing,” says Murphy, chuckling softly.

Asked why she had come, Landis was quick to respond. “Morbid curiosity,” she replies a moment before snapping some pictures. Murphy realizes he has taken an offramp heading away from mainstream funeral home protocol. This Lincolnesque offering, he expects, will probably stir up some Civil War-size discontent among his peers. He’s right.

Dean Egger, vice president of Spokane’s Riplinger funeral home, 4305 N. Division, takes a grim view of Murphy’s stunt. It’s “pretty unethical as far as I’m concerned.”

Egger fears that having sightseers wander through a funeral home to gawk at some faux artifact could invade the privacy of bereaved customers who are trying to cope with their loss. “We’re here to help families,” he adds.

“Oh, give me a break,” counters Murphy, dismissing Egger’s criticism as jealousy. “They can’t stand us. We’ve taken away a lot of their business.

“What’s inappropriate about sharing a piece of history with your clientele?”

Dwayne Harmon of Hazen & Jaeger Funeral Home, 1306 N. Monroe, applauds Murphy for his creativity. “I don’t see it as a conflict of interest. Maybe Dean got up on the wrong side of the building this morning.”

The Lincoln coffin is a creepy curio. Covered in fine black wool, all the silver doo-dads stuck to it look like it was designed by Hopalong Cassidy. Cloth-covered coffins, explains Murphy, were the rage back in the 1860s.

I wanted to climb in and see if the Lincoln slumber box felt presidential, but Murphy wasn’t buying. The casket company, he quips, “is pretty particular about who puts their tush in there.”

According to the informational material Murphy provides, one week after the April 14, 1865, assassination, the president was put on a special funeral train. Leaving Washington, D.C., the locomotive stopped at all major cities for open-coffin viewing before arriving at Lincoln’s home, Springfield, Ill. Now it’s right here in Spokane. Sort of.

And this could be only the beginning. Murphy says he’s thinking of bringing in a replica of George Washington’s coffin. After that, who knows? Marilyn Monroe’s plush casket? John Belushi’s piano crate?

Murphy’s right. There probably is a market for this. Let’s be honest, this is a subject that fascinates us all.

“Death is part of life,” the undertaker says. “Once you get people started, they want to talk about it.”