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No recount necessary

Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, writing on the Chargers, whose record fell to 0-10 Sunday after a loss to the Miami Dolphins:

“The only Floridians we know for certain punched all the right buttons in the last week were the Miami Dolphins.

“Of course, the Dolphins were playing the Chargers, therefore running unopposed.”

That said, Dolphins coach Dave Wannstedt put mousetraps (not set) in his players’ lockers at midweek, an obvious reminder not to fall into the trap of taking the Chargers too lightly.

Obviously, there was nothing to worry about.

Bush and Gore team up

Gore voted for Bush. Bush backed Gore.

That’s just the way it is on the Clemson football team, where Jovon Bush is a defensive tackle and Buddy Gore Jr., is a kicker.

And unlike Gov. George W. Bush of Texas and Vice President Al Gore, the only Florida recount these players want - following Clemson’s 54-7 loss to Florida State on Nov. 4 - is never going to happen.

“People are making more about it now,” said Gore, a sophomore from Murrells Inlet, S.C. “It’s fun.”

Bush, a junior from Darlington, S.C., who has 14 tackles in seven games, says there’s a lot of kidding, “but that’s not what I want to be known for. I want it to be football. But that will come.”

Neither of the players is related to the presidential candidates.

From the home office …

A sampling from David Letterman’s Top 10 Signs You’re Watching Too Much Football:

“The kids bring home a good report card and you dump Gatorade on them.

“You’ve been banned from the A&P for spiking melons.”

An event not of Biblical proportions

Jerry Greene in the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel commenting on last weekend’s NFL action: “The historical play of the day was when Atlanta fullback Bob Christian carried the ball in Detroit… . Yes, it was Christian vs. the Lions.”

The Lions feasted: 2 carries, 0 yards.

Well, at least it rhymes

Steve Aschburner in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: “A TV reporter, trying to follow up on Patrick Ewing’s odd pledge to donate a kidney to Alonzo Mourning if needed, got his internal organs mixed up and asked: `So, would you really deliver your liver?”’

The last word …

“Who cares how tall I am? I’ve been in the league nine years. I ain’t going to get no taller.”

- Forward Clarence Witherspoon of the Cleveland Cavaliers, on whether he really measures up to his listed height of 6-foot-7.