Cheap Seats
OK, so he’s a little bitter
Los Angeles Times’ T.J. Simers says he has only one problem with a Subway Series. OK, maybe more than one. Here it goes:
“What if there really is extraterrestrial life and next week just happens to be the first time someone stops by to catch our act. Let’s hope they are not easily offended. …
“It looks as if there is `No Escape from New York,’ and while the Kurt Russell movie was all about having the worst of humanity rot on a maximum-secured Manhattan island, now this humanity is going to be treated like a national treasure while being asked to make nice.
“It has already begun. Shortly after the Cardinals had made the final out, Fox’s Joe Buck commended the Mets fans, `who were tremendous for the way they acted.’
“I know I was proud of them. Not a single report of a shooting or stabbing while they were still in the stadium. I would imagine Joe Buck went to his car, however, flanked by security guards.
“Too bad there isn’t a stadium big enough to accommodate Yankees, Mets and Raiders fans. We could see who emerges still standing. If I’m any self-respecting Raiders fan, however, I don’t want to be caught dead with this mob.
“You see how these people dress - they have no self-respect. Raiders fans work hard at looking grotesque - Yankees and Mets fans dress the way they do when they go to work. …
“I covered the Yankees in 1978, and my enduring picture of their fans is seeing them drop $1 bills from the upper deck and watching the knowledgeable baseball fans below beat the hell out of each other to catch them. …
“I’m not one for cliches, but it’s a shame one of these teams has to lose, because if they both won, there’s a good chance Yankees and Mets fans would get so excited they’d burn the city to the ground.”
Just kidding around
Mike Tyson says that his increasingly irrational public outbursts have been contrived for their entertainment-shock value.
“I mix truth with lies,” he said. “Some of it is a lot of fun.”
But what about the threat to eat Lennox Lewis’ children?
“You know, Lennox doesn’t have any kids,” Tyson said. “I knew that.”
It’s a crime, period
Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer says a Subway Series will be good for New York as it will “either cut the crime rate or at least localize it to whichever is playing host that night.”
He also suggests: “Loser cleans the subways.”
The last word …
“I’m not sure anybody wants any of our guys.”
- Arizona Cardinals coach Vince Tobin, after the trading deadline passed without any action by his team.