Be Communicative, Attuned To Needs
Little girls are growing up quicker these days. One day they love Barney, then suddenly, they want to look like Britney Spears.
Wait! Whatever happened to those years spent climbing trees, skipping rope, catching butterflies and playing with dolls? There’s supposed to be a childhood between mud pies and mud packs. While it’s true that girls are maturing earlier now, both physically and cognitively, kids still need time to be kids.
“Girls Speak Out: Teens Before Their Time,” a recent study by the Girl Scout Research Institute, explores a variety of issues important to girls ages 8 through 12. Concerns of girls this age, the research indicates, are centered on family, school and social life. Almost 80 percent of these girls seek advice from their mom and 65 percent say their family is “extremely important” to them. Most don’t want to rush into dating. Ninety-three percent expect to go to college.
Some of the findings are not so comforting.
One fourth-grader says she sometimes feels ugly and wonders if she should wear makeup. Another defines the “perfect” girl as one who is “stylish, very pretty and acts nice.” A fifth grader counts calories, “doing 1,000-1,200 calories a day.” One third grader says it would be nice to be Britney Spears and wear a bikini without having a “fat tummy sticking out.”
It’s a sick society, when little girls as young as 8 are worrying about not measuring up to artificial standards of weight, beauty and stylish clothes. Blame the entertainment industry, maybe even Mom’s own obsession with her looks, but what can parents do to postpone these worries?
One overriding bit of advice is this: Listen to your kids.
Many girls said parents wouldn’t answer questions they felt girls were too young to be asking. The report advises, “Leaving questions about sexuality, boys and physical development unanswered has the potential to create negative outcomes for these girls.”
Remember, most of these kids consider their mom a primary source for advice. They’re yearning for family support for their emotional and physical safety. If they don’t get it at home they’ll turn elsewhere for answers that may not be correct or healthy.
Mary Dietzen, Ph.D., a psychologist with Spokane Mental Health, suggests parents set up consistent rules and parameters for their daughters, spend time providing feedback and validation for their specific concerns. For example, she says, “When the child says the kids at school are teasing her about her weight, say `that must have been upsetting or embarrassing,’ or `how did that feel?”’ Dietzen suggests parents then “focus on the child’s assets and allude to how important those traits are to succeed in life, to be happy and to have fun.”
Dietzen urges parents to “limit the time your child spends watching TV and listening to music that isn’t appropriate. Do focus on exposing your child to different activities, to enable her to find the hobbies, sports, etc., that she enjoys and masters.” Refuse to buy clothes, makeup and such for your kids that is not age appropriate.
Parents, know what your daughter is being exposed to. Set limits. Be careful of the signals you send through your own behavior. Most importantly, remember that your children need and want your guidance.