Dinner is off the menu, she’s ordering the unexpected
Q: I usually try to let the guy take the lead and plan the first date, which means it’s invariably in the dinner or drinks department. And I’m so bored with cocktail bars, I could scream. Is there a way to ask a guy to be more creative without emasculating him?
Mia: What is this, a Jane Austen novel? Plan the dates yourself if you’re so bored! Tell him you want to go hang gliding, to the opera, to Las Vegas. His reactions probably will show whether he’s your kind of guy.
Steve: I suspect the problem here isn’t the bar, but the guy. If you’ve got good chemistry with him, he could take you to a laundromat to watch his socks spin and you’d think it was exciting. Don’t emasculate him. Dump him. And find someone who turns you on no matter what you’re doing.
Q: I’ve been friends with Liz for several years, always platonic. Lately I’ve been hanging out with one of her good friends Sarah, and one night last week we had sex. I haven’t told Liz. Even though she’s just a friend, I feel really awkward about the whole thing. I’d like to date Sarah, but I don’t want to lose Liz. Can this be done?
Mia: Come clean ASAP. If Liz is a good friend, she’ll try to be understanding. But if you hold out on her and sneak around, she might be hurt.
Steve: If things with Liz are truly platonic, this shouldn’t be a problem. I agree with Mia, though, that you have to tell her (and Sarah should, too) so she doesn’t think you can’t trust her with secrets. Of course, if Liz has romantic feelings for you, you are now in a big fat mess.
Q: I’ve been meaning to give my 13-year-old daughter a sex talk for the past five years, but I always cop out at the last minute. Now she’s come home from summer camp with her first boyfriend. I feel like I’ve missed the boat a little but should still say something. How can I urge her to be cautious without sounding like a grumpy old-timer?
Steve: I suspect at 13 she now knows more about sex than you do. But as a parent, you are obligated to give her the safe sex/abstinence lecture. She will be appalled, but some of it will sink in. I also recommend Mom and Dad do the talking to show a united front.
Mia: The sex talk with the parents is the worst. But on the up side, if you do it really badly, you could turn her off from any sexual acts for years. I’d say you and your husband telling her about the joys of sex together should do the trick. Ewww.
Q: The youngest of my children just moved out to go to college. I thought it would be great for my husband and me to have more time together, but we’re finding it hard even to make conversation. How can I jumpstart this marriage?
Steve: Quit being a mom and start being a lover. Recall how things were with him before you had kids. Assuming your man still has a pulse, he’ll respond.
Mia: Maybe you should take a romantic vacation together? Try somewhere new. Get a great hotel, bring some lingerie, high heels and just have fun!