Slither right past lame ‘Anaconda’ sequel

“Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid” has not the pleasant fragrance of a rare orchid, but the stink of something digested and expelled by a snake with an intestinal disorder. The movie’s only achievement is that it’s so stupidly plotted and badly acted, it becomes unintentionally funny here and there.

This sequel to the 1997 “Anaconda” follows a lame-brain idea about a ship of boobs sailing the jungle rivers of Borneo in search of the blood orchid, the “pharmaceutical equivalent of the fountain of youth.” Turns out it’s mating season for humongous, hungry anacondas, which have gathered to serve as the welcome wagon for our intrepid orchid seekers.

The only reasonably well-known cast member is Morris Chestnut, who plays an entrepreneur that orchestrates the expedition. Other cast members are obscure actors, and from their performances here, they’re likely to remain just that.

The worst performance comes from the lead player, stiff and wooden Johnny Messner as a river rat whose rickety boat carries the orchid expedition into the jungle. Whether from innate dullness or curious instructions from director Dwight Little, Messner could be the most monotonous screen tough guy since Dolph Lundgren.

The rest of the key cast – KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Eugene Byrd, Salli Richardson-Whitfield and Karl Yune – are just garden-variety bad by comparison. The one decent performance comes from the boat’s mascot, a cute little monkey whose screams of terror provide the movie’s only expressive and heartfelt moments.