What’s the skinny on fat friend? Not to worry, she’s no threat

Q: My husband and I have been married for 20 years and he’s never strayed.

Recently a mutual woman friend of ours needed a place to stay the night, and he allowed her to stay at our house. I was at our vacation home at the time. He had stayed behind to finish some work.

He called me to say that she was staying the night, which I appreciated. She is a heavyset woman, and I don’t view her as a threat, but there’s something about this that made me feel queasy.

Should I be suspicious?

Steve: Nah, fat women don’t seduce men. Just kidding!

I would compliment your husband for his honesty, but also tell him you felt a bit uncomfortable. Clearing the air should relieve your queasiness.

Mia: If he hasn’t strayed for 20 years, you probably have nothing to worry about.

Even if it was a thin woman. I wouldn’t get suspicious unless this happened a second time.

Then you should probably ask what’s going on.

Q: One of my female co-workers dresses so provocatively at the office that sometimes, well, I nearly suffer a physical response, if you know what I mean.

I’m a happily married guy and it’s not like I have a thing for this woman or anything. Any suggestions for how I should handle this?

Steve: Enjoy the scenery. But also remember the immortal words of that 1950s R&B group The Coasters, “You can look, but you better not touch.”

Mia: Every time you see her, you should try to think of something really horrible, like Barbara Bush in a bikini.

That might calm you down.

Q: Shame on you for the advice you gave to the “recently separated man.”

He sees a gorgeous woman on the train and wants to ask her to lunch. You both told him to do it.

Steve and Mia, HE’S STILL MARRIED!!!! Separated means he’s not yet divorced.

You, in fact, advised him that it’s OK to commit adultery. Please stop him before it’s too late.

Steve: Without getting into morality, if a couple has agreed to part, that makes them free agents.

The key is that they are truly separated.

If a guy claims to be separated but he’s still living at home (even in the basement), he doesn’t pass the test.

Mia: And unless your interpretation of a midday meal differs wildly from mine, a lunch date is soooo not adultery.

Now, if he’d asked her to join him on a couch at porn theater, that would be different…