Grateful for faithful

One thing worth celebrating this holiday season, says the woman who wrote the book on infidelity, are faithful husbands. “Those who have faithful spouses, particularly women, certainly have a lot to be thankful for,” said Ruth Houston, author of “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.”

Citing “the latest statistics” that show three out of four husbands cheat on their wives, she said most women have no idea their husbands are having an affair despite the presence of numerous signs.

Of course, there is really no way to know exactly how many people have had extramarital affairs. If you are willing to lie to your spouse, why would you tell a researcher the truth?

The estimates of unfaithful spouses range from 25 percent to 75 percent of all males and 15 percent to 60 percent of women, according to a 1999 Washington Post story on the issue. More recent figures show the number of women who have had sex with men who are not their husbands at 30 percent to 40 percent, according to a July cover story in Newsweek. That compared to 50 percent of men who admitted infidelity.

Pointing out that men tend to exaggerate their sexual experience while women diminish it, the Newsweek article suggested that the infidelity gap may be narrowing.

Houston, a 55-year-old journalist who has written for Cosmo, Black Elegance and Women’s Day, became interested in the subject 10 years ago when she “suddenly and accidentally found” that she was a victim while researching a magazine story.

“My husband didn’t realize his phone calls were being picked up on my recording equipment,” Houston said.

The tapes revealed that he was having an affair with three women, she said.

“It came as a total shock, because we had an excellent marriage,” Houston said. “I found out that a man will go outside of his relationship even if he has a happy marriage. Many times a man will get involved in extramarital affairs because he has a happy marriage,” thinking that whatever he does will not impact his marriage.

“That’s not true,” said Houston in a telephone interview from her home in Queens, N.Y.

Now happily remarried to a man who is himself a victim of infidelity, she has made the subject of cheating her life’s work.

Her Web site, is-he-cheating-on-you.com, is loaded with testimonials from people who have read her book, including one that calls it “a cheating man’s worst nightmare.”

“I realized there were few books on the subject,” Houston said, which led her to interview marriage counselors across the United States.

The result was “829 Telltale Signs,” which break down into 21 general categories, including:

Physical appearance. “If he embarks on a drastic self-induced makeover, it’s probably not for you.”

Work habits. “Your husband’s work habits will undoubtedly change as his affair unfolds.”

Financial affairs. “No matter how carefully he tries to cover his tracks, sooner or later this will be reflected in the family finances.”

Car clues. “The glove compartment, car seats, the tire well, the underside of the visor, the ashtray, the side pockets or compartments, under the floor mats and other nooks and crannies can reveal a wealth of information.”

Houston said two-thirds of women who are cheated on don’t know that their husbands are cheating even though there are signs.

“You miss signs, misinterpret or just not make the connection between the signs you are seeing and the fact they are indicative of infidelity,” she said. “There are many signs that show up even before the infidelity takes place … and many times you can nip it in the bud.”

You can tell she has thought a lot about this.

Judging from the popularity of television shows such as “Desperate Housewives,” others have, too, Houston said. “But no one seems to take it seriously except the victim.”

She said a lot of men have bought her book to find out what not to do.

“I have had e-mails from men who said after reading the book there were too many things to remember,” she said. “A woman bought the book for a friend because she didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.”

Houston said she has sold fewer than 5,000 copies of “Is He Cheating on You?” Published by Lifestyle Publications, it is available only online. Meanwhile, she has added to the number of signs – and included a section for men who suspect their wives – in the e-book version that can be downloaded at Booklocker.com for $37.