Mom’s situation bears watching

Dear Annie: My dad died three years ago. Six months ago, my mother met a guy while she was walking in the park. Mom is 59, and “Joe” is 13 years younger and twice divorced. At first we were happy for her, but then Joe became manipulative and controlling.

Two months ago, Joe moved in with Mom and suddenly quit his job. Joe said it was just temporary, but now he drives Mom’s new Mercedes and screens her calls, and she rarely sees her old friends anymore. Also, she somehow never gets anyone’s messages on her answering machine.

My sister and I meet Mom for lunch every two weeks, and if we say anything about Joe, she becomes very defensive. Honestly, we think he is using her and has no intention of moving out of her place or getting another job. We are very worried that she might marry this man. He has proposed to her twice, but so far she’s declined.

Mom owns her new house, two cars and has a very nice income from Dad’s retirement fund, plus a healthy portfolio from good investments made before he died.

Annie, we want Mom to be happy, but we are terribly concerned that she will marry this guy and get taken to the cleaners. Do we keep quiet and pray for the best? Our intuition tells us something is really wrong with this picture. – Bad Feelings in Georgia

Dear Georgia: Your intuition sounds solid to us. You cannot prevent your mother from making a mistake if she is determined to do so. However, since you see Mom regularly, you still have the opportunity to influence her. Say only nice things about Joe, but mention you are concerned that she doesn’t respond to the messages you leave on her answering machine. You also might tell her she could allay your fears about Joe’s motives if she puts her money in trust, proving that he is not interested in her fortune. If she becomes angry or defensive, apologize. And see if you can meet her for lunch more often. This situation bears watching.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Riverside, Calif.,” who attended a bridal shower where guests addressed their own thank-you notes and were asked to bring their own stamps.

I agree that bringing your own stamp is tacky (maybe one of the bridesmaids can buy the stamps as a gift), but at my wedding shower, guests addressed their own envelopes. I cannot tell you how much easier it was for me to keep everything straight, not to mention ensure that I had the correct address and spelling. It’s even a good idea for the guests to indicate who they are (“Agnes Smith, Mike’s aunt”). I shouldn’t have to take the next two months off work to make sure everyone’s thank-you note is perfect. – A Bride in Endicott, N.Y.

Dear Bride: For heaven’s sake, you aren’t writing a novel. No one has to take two months off work to compose thank-you notes. But we agree that identifying how you are related is helpful. Here’s more:

Dear Annie: I attended a wedding several years ago where the guests were asked to address their own envelopes for thank-you notes. The person in charge then taped the envelope to the gift. Very efficient. However, we are still waiting for the thank-you note to arrive. – Spokane

Dear Annie: At one bridal shower, everyone addressed her own envelope, put it in a bowl, and there was a drawing to give a prize. I thought that was nice, and it guaranteed every guest would get a thank-you note, even though I’m – Still Waiting For Mine in Woodcrest, Calif.

Dear Readers: Please remember to light a candle tomorrow night at 7 p.m. to honor the memory of all the children around the world who have died.