Predictable ‘Casino’ craps out

When I first heard about “The Casino” (Mondays, Fox), I was curious as to how the cameras were going to operate inside a casino to pull together a story. It seemed like a daunting task, considering hundreds of thousands of people are in and out of the casinos every day, and the cameras cover every inch of the space. Who would they focus on?

Now I see that I was correct to question the show’s setup. The cameras have a specific focus. They trail Tom Breitling and Tim Poster, owners of the Golden Nugget Las Vegas Hotel and Casino, as they try desperately to carve out a place for their aging casino among the elegant and star-studded newcomers on the strip. And instead of just randomly picking people, the show resembles a “Love Boat” episode, following a set of “guest stars” from the moment they arrive at the airport until they have checked out of the Nugget.

And what an interesting group of stars we’ve seen recently. We’ve met a card-counter who tried to steal money from the casino, an arrogant real estate mogul who blew $200,000 at the tables while his girlfriend lost her Louis Vuitton purse that held $25,000 of her boyfriend’s money (which she did not steal, she merely borrowed it for groceries). We met a young married couple that was considering doing something wild and just happened to be approached by a couple of professional swingers who were planning an orgy for that very evening. What a coincidence.

This show seems way too scripted for my taste. Odds are 10 to 1 that the next episodes will be as staged as the first, and possibly include a more deliberate scheme … such as an exotic dancer marrying an Elvis impersonator while a senior citizen and an insurance agent (in town for a convention) stand up as witnesses. The reception will be held in the Golden Nugget restaurant (I hear they have a great $6.99 all-you-can-eat steak and eggs buffet).

Odds also are stacked against “Outback Jack” (Tuesdays, TBS) finding a love match. The bachelor Vadim Dale, while ruggedly handsome with an adorable Aussie accent, is really in over his head. His lifestyle is too farfetched for these women, and I don’t understand why he would waste his time. Here’s what I foresee happening on this show:

A high-maintenance brat from America meets a handsome outdoorsman in the Australian outback. He has calluses on his hands, sleeps in a tent and has no idea where the nearest mall is, let alone a McDonald’s. However, they are physically attracted to one another and perhaps that’s all they will need to fall in love. Could that be true?

In an effort to romance his new lady, Outback Jack goes out and kills a large animal for dinner. He brings it home and asks her to clean it while he rests his weary bones from his day of hunting and gathering. She takes the dead animal, smashes him over the head with it, sets the camp ablaze until a Red Cross plane, which just happens to be flying overhead, swoops down and saves her from a life of obscurity without cable television or Manolo Blahniks.

And she lives happily every after.