Make plans for you, kids to be elsewhere

Dear Annie: I have a wonderful husband and in-laws for most of the year, but that all changes when my husband’s sister, “Robin,” comes each summer for a month.

Robin expects me to baby-sit her children while she has “family time” with my husband and his parents. My in-laws bend over backward to accommodate her. They pay her kids to mow the lawn or do the laundry, but they would never pay my children, who do these things for their grandparents all year-round. My father-in-law takes Robin’s kids fishing nearly every morning, but my kids are not included.

Robin makes disparaging remarks about my weight or my education. Her children mimic her attitude and berate my kids.

I think the whole lot of them is selfish and spoiled, but my husband and his parents are oblivious to it. My children have noticed that Robin and her kids are treated better than we are.

My doctor tells me I have elevated blood pressure and ulcers. Just thinking of Robin’s monthlong visit this year is causing my health to deteriorate. My kids are dreading it as well. Please advise me how I can make it through. — Stressing Already

Dear Stressing: Some parents have a tendency to value most those children they see the least. Since you live near your in-laws the rest of the year, you do not need to be there when Robin visits. Spend a week or two in her company so the kids don’t forget what their cousins look like. Then let your husband know that you and the children are going to be busy. Schedule a camping trip. Sign the kids up for activities at the YMCA or park district. Fill your time so you have less for Robin. She won’t miss you, and there’s no reason you have to stick around and be tormented.

Dear Annie: My husband and I recently were invited to a wedding at a resort several states away. Although the cost of traveling and accommodations are expensive, my husband and I decided it would be a nice excuse for a vacation.

I promptly returned the RSVP card, purchased nonrefundable airline tickets, put down a deposit at the hotel and ordered a gift to be sent to the couple.

Two weeks later, we received a computer-generated postcard saying that the couple was unable to accommodate all those who wished to come to the ceremony and would have to rescind our invitation. I am stunned, and my husband is furious. We’re already out $850. What should we do? — Aghast in Alabama

Dear Aghast: What boors. There’s not much you can do now, but this couple ought to be ashamed of themselves. “We’ve run out of room” is not an acceptable excuse for rescinding a wedding invitation. Since you already have paid $850, we say go anyway and have a nice vacation. You can wave to the newlyweds from the pool.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter from a woman whose parents often visited her and her boyfriend, “Danny.” Her mother always insisted on sitting in the front seat of their car, but Danny refused to drive unless his girlfriend sat in front with him.

My mother also likes to ride in the front. The reason is, she gets carsick if she rides in back. I have developed a knee and ankle problem in the last few years, and when I sit in back, I end up with my knees pushing into the front seat. It’s painful.

If Danny refuses to drive with Mom in front, a better solution might be to offer to rent them a car for the week. — Been There

Dear Been There: Thanks for offering a reasonable explanation for Mom’s preference for sitting in front, as well as a good solution for dealing with it.