TV surf’s up

Summertime, and the thinking isn’t easy.

Hot-weather readers have long been wise to handling the dog days, discarding challenging tomes for lighter “beach books.” Television viewers also can take that cue and avoid overheating their brains with deeper fare (such as it is).

Since so many viewers already know about such oh-so-accessible hits such as “Simple Life 2” and “Last Comic Standing,” we searched high and mostly low for other high-SPF (Synapse Prevention Factor) programming.

So put your brain in the freezer — a cooler will do fine, too, but be careful not to place the six-pack on top of the cerebrum, it bruises — and let this random sampling of stressless cable reality shows wash over you. (Just remember to shake the sand from your plasma screen before leaving the beach.)

“ “Outback Jack” (TBS, Tuesdays, 9 p.m.)

“The Bachelor” meets “Survivor” — with makeup. Producer Bruce Nash, who already has spun “For Love or Money” from “The Bachelor” prototype, twists it again by dropping 12 pampered dolls into the Outback (bush country, not the steakhouse) to compete for Aussie hunk Jack.

Fun factor: These spoiled princesses aren’t exactly Paris Hilton, but it’s always fun to see fresh faces get dirtied. And the never-ending twists could make for a drinking game.

Defining moment: After participating in a ceremony with aborigines, one ingenue offered these words of wisdom: “Going from Louisville, Ky., to aboriginal culture was a 360 from what I’m used to.”

Tenuous beach tie-in: The competition ends at the shore, where Jack will sail off with the winning lady.

“ “Scream Play” (E!, Wednesdays, 10 p.m.)

It’s pitched as “Fear Factor” for the cinephile, although it comes off more as box office gross: Contestants act out stunts based on famous movie scenes, with “Fear Factor” alum Joel Klein calling the shots.

Fun factor: “There’s a nostalgia factor because of the movies,” E!’s Lisa Berger says, “and viewers get to live vicariously through the people performing the stunts.” Or not, as when it came to getting hit with raw beef sprayed from a wood chipper, in a tribute to “Fargo.”

Defining moment: During a re-creation of the “Revenge of the Nerds” tricycle race, where contestants must drink fish-gut milkshakes and be rolled in a barrel, one woman asks: “Are we allowed to throw up?”

Actual beach tie-in: There’s a “Baywatch” stunt planned on the California coast as part of E!’s Blonde Week (Aug. 1).

“ “Joe Schmo 2” (Spike TV, Mondays, 11:35 p.m.)

This elaborate hoax show parodies the reality conventions of “The Bachelor,” “Survivor” et al while creating its own fake reality: Everyone involved is an actor save for the poor sap, Joe, who thinks he’s in a romance game. For this second installment, they’ve added a Jane.

Fun factor: Jane has a brain; who knew? Ingrid Wiese, the show’s Jane Schmo, so quickly sniffed out the hoax — could it have been the “fellow contestant” who said her agent had sent her to the show? — that producers had to let her in on the secret to keep her from alerting unsuspecting Joe, then hustle in a new Jane.

Absurd moment: When the show’s “falcon,” Montecore — which is, strictly speaking, a hawk — flies beak-first into a plate-glass window. (He isn’t hurt, though surely embarrassed.)

Tenuous beach tie-in: No sand in sight, but there’s plenty of hot tub and pool time. They bury a bikinied model in mashed potatoes, which might look like sand if you squint.

“ “Bridezillas” (WE: Women’s Entertainment, Mondays, 10 p.m.)

As wedding day approaches, decent, ordinary women turn into take-no-prisoners monsters to make sure their day is perfect. Or else. “This is about brides who dress in white and go red in the face,” executive producer David Green says.

Fun factor: If you’re a woman, you can relate to or feel superior to the rampaging bride. If you’re a man, you can relate to or feel sorry for the cowed groom. “At the end of the day, the audience laughs with these girls, not at them,” Green says. That’s a nice thought.

Defining moment: “Hours before the ceremony, one woman decided her dress wasn’t right. She took scissors and cut it up. It made it 10 times worse,” Green says.

Actual, if momentary, beach tie-in: One wedding takes place on the water.

“ “Extreme Dodgeball” (GSN, Tuesdays, 10 p.m.)

Whether you fondly recall halcyon days of sadism or still cower in agony, everybody has a favorite dodgeball memory. GSN capitalizes on that with a new league, new rules and the kind of mock seriousness — Jerri Manthey (“Survivor”) is a sideline reporter — you’d expect with teams named the Certified Public Assassins (CPAs who wear ties), the Stallion Battalion (horse-racing jockeys) and the Barbell Mafia (bodybuilders).

Fun factor: Seeing people get nailed. Observing Manthey’s career track. Seeing people get nailed. Accidentally taking the competition seriously. Seeing people get nailed.

Defining concept: The SBD Mimes (yes, “silent but deadly”). “Mimes are very polarizing,” GSN president Rich Cronin says. “Some people like to see mimes hit with a ball.”

Promotional beach tie-in: GSN has an inflatable “Extreme Dodgeball” court that hit the waterfront in Manhattan and is likely to go to Florida and California.

“ “Into Character” (AMC, Wednesdays, 10 p.m.)

Fans get a chance to be their favorite celluloid heroes — including Rocky, The Blues Brothers and even the cheerleaders from “Bring It On” — in their classic scenes.

Fun factor: A mix of favorite movies, behind-the-scenes preparation and wish fulfillment. “To see someone with an intense fantasy incubating in their minds and then have it come true is thrilling,” show creator Riaz Patel says.

Proud moment: Patel remembers the excitement of seeing Blues Brothers impersonators meeting blues great Buddy Guy in a Chicago nightclub.

Cool beach tie-in: The season finale will feature an Ivy League grad from the Northeast learning to ride the waves in Hawaii for a scene from “Blue Crush.”

“ “The Ashlee Simpson Show” (MTV, Wednesdays, 10:30 p.m.)

Big sister Jessica has “Newlyweds,” so why shouldn’t Ashlee get a TV show, too? Not a bad promotional platform for a recording career.

Fun factor: Co-executive producer Greg Johnston calls 19-year-old Ashlee, a free-spirited rocker not into the glamour scene, “the opposite of Jessica.” However, her ditziness — locking keys in the trunk — isn’t nearly as entertaining as big sis’s Chicken-of-the-Sea soliloquy.

Surprising moment: Viewers — and the producers — got an opening-episode shock when Ashlee and her self-absorbed boyfriend Josh broke up. “We thought he’d be in the whole series,” Johnston says.

Not even a tenuous beach tie-in: Hollywood and the San Fernando Valley are hardly the California coastline. But Ashlee is blond, or at least she was early on, and drives a convertible.

“ “BIG!” (Discovery Channel, Tuesdays, 9 p.m.)

A mechanical crew constructs a 23-foot-tall popcorn popper, a 20-foot-long motorcycle and a 16-foot-tall blender. Why? Because they can. (Beach warning: If you’re not careful, you may learn something.)

Fun factor: Imagine hooking a giant blender to a 100-horsepower engine. “The first time we ran the blender, it sounded like an air raid siren,” says team member Reverend Gadget, an ordained minister with knowledge of physics, chemistry and gadgets. “We had three watermelons, four blocks of ice and 300 gallons of water. In 20 seconds, it was all gone. The biggest piece was the size of a pea.”

Defining moments: A 30-foot guitar. A 14-foot-tall cuckoo clock with a 2-foot cuckoo. A carnival claw machine so large that a young woman is one of the prizes.

Actual beach tie-in: The giant blender made 700 gallons of fruit smoothies at a triathlon on the beach in Ventura County, Calif.

“ “Blind Date” (weekdays, 11 p.m., KSKN-22; also various times on Spike)

The granddaddy — or perhaps funny uncle — of reality dating shows. It’s a survivor, coming back for its sixth season in the Darwinian world of dating syndication.

Fun factors: 1) The horrible matches (“Our dates from hell are our most popular dates,” host Roger Lodge says.) 2) The pop-up commentaries, especially from pipe-smoking Therapist Joe. 3) The satisfaction of seeing somebody have a worse dating experience than you.

Defining moment: The on-screen head-butt count for a geek who kept trying to go in for the kiss, alienating his date and missing an opportunity to actually get one.

Occasional beach tie-in: Couples have taken to sand and surf in Los Angeles, Hawaii and other locales.

“ “Best Week Ever” (VH1, Fridays, 11 p.m.)

Comics go Benihana on the week in pop culture. Could also be called “I Love Last Week,” as an homage to VH1’s instant-nostalgia series, “I Love the ‘70s” (‘80s, etc.).

Fun factor: “I think we’re out to change America’s values and morals,” quips co-executive producer Jim Ackerman. Actually, he does contend that the show reflects Americans’ view of popular culture: “We’re obsessed with celebrities, but we know it’s not quite right. We see the absurdity.”

Surreal moment: The day Britney Spears got engaged, “Best Week” acted like a real news operation, reworking a taping to get the news in that day’s broadcast.

Totally fabricated beach tie-in: Most of the comics could play the 98-pound weakling getting sand kicked in his face in the old Charles Atlas comic-book ads.