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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The Slice


Don't sass the teacher.
 (The Spokesman-Review)

So I’m walking past this window-walled day-care center I pass every day.

As always, I look to see if it’s nap time.

One of the employees is seated in a chair and talking to a half-circle of kids at her feet. She holds a green book that appears to be titled “Piggies.” My guess is she is about to read to her young charges.

Something about the staggering innocence of the scene strikes me as amusing. So I unconsciously blurt “Piggies!” and laugh.

It’s only then that I become aware of the two women in snug skirts walking ahead of me on the sidewalk.

One of them turns her head and gives me a quick once-over. She doesn’t have a disapproving expression on her face. But clearly, she wants to see who is back there talking about piggies and laughing.

I consider trying to explain. But I’ve seen enough sitcoms to know I’d just be digging myself a deeper hole.

•Corporal punishment escalation: “My nephews were telling their dad about the punishment system at their school,” wrote Spokane’s Ann Ayers. “For minor offenses, there is the verbal warning. For repeated or more severe offenses, there is a trip to the principal’s office.”

And what if a student does something really, really bad?

One of boys summed it up in a nutshell: “Detonation.”

Yes, “detonation.”

Now maybe he meant to say “detention.” But who knows. Perhaps those boys go to a school with a robust approach to discipline.

Just imagine.

“What did this kid do?”

“He sassed his teacher.”

“Detonate him.”

•I realized it had been a mistake to go skinny dipping when: “I overheard two men talking about it in the restroom at the campground the next morning,” wrote Jeri McCormick.

“The lights came on,” wrote Chuck Boos.

“Sitting in the hot tub (we live out in the country) I suddenly saw a figure coming up the hill from the highway,” wrote Dave Groenig. “At first I thought it must be a deer but it turned out to be a man who was lost and wanted to use the phone.”

“Puberty occurred,” wrote Glenda Wilson.

“I still had my car on,” said Vicki Garvin.

•Pooch told to lay off the sauce: A prescription for Lea Conner’s dog, Sneaker, came with a warning sticker: “Do not drink alcoholic beverages when taking this medicine.”

•Warm-up question: Which is more depressing — people obviously angling for a favored position in an elderly person’s will or relatives arguing about where someone who was married more than once should be buried?

•Today’s Slice question: If kids operating lemonade stands wanted to increase foot-traffic by inviting an unrelated business to set up shop right beside them, what sort of establishment would make for the most intriguing one-two combination?