Things you can do to compensate for lazy husband
Dear Annie: I have been married to “Larry” for 14 years, and we have an 11-year-old son who requires a lot of patience and extra help with homework.
Larry does no cleaning, cooking, laundry or homework, doesn’t take care of the bills, do our taxes, repair anything around the house or even take in the dry cleaning. He will vacuum once a week and take out the trash. Meanwhile, I buy all his clothes, shoes and undergarments, and take care of everything he won’t.
I make more money than Larry and often work more hours, including nights and weekends. I am exhausted and falling apart from stress. Our sex life is nonexistent, because I resent him so badly I can’t stand the thought of him touching me. I feel I have given so much all day that I just can’t give any more. I am burned out. I want off the pedestal. I want someone to take care of me.
I tried marriage counseling and had to drag Larry kicking and screaming. Although it helped for about a month, the same old Larry crept back in no time. I am now in counseling alone.
If Larry doesn’t get the picture soon, I may have a nervous breakdown. He’s becoming verbally abusive about my “attitude,” and I’m not sure how much longer I can stay in this marriage. I can support myself financially, but I truly love my husband. How can I make Larry realize he is losing me? — Hurting in North Carolina
Dear N.C.: Can you afford to hire some extra housecleaning help? What about eating takeout once or twice a week? Since you both work outside the home, the entire burden of running the house should not fall on your shoulders. If Larry is unwilling to do his share, you ought to look for outside assistance. Also, your son is old enough to help with the cleaning and laundry, so insist on it.
Meanwhile, stop catering to Larry. Let him buy his own clothes and get them to the cleaners. Do as much as you are comfortable with, and let the rest go. If the house is a mess, too bad. If dinner consists of scrambled eggs, tough luck. If Larry doesn’t like it, let him do the cooking and cleaning, or agree to go back to counseling.
Dear Annie: I have become addicted to casino gambling and have accumulated $15,000 in credit-card debt. I have tried my best to stay away from the casinos and have gone as long as three weeks, but then I get desperate to return. After my last big lO;s, I thought about suicide.
I think it would help if I had someone to talk to when I get the urge. If you know of any help in my area, please let me know. — Salina, Kan.
Dear Salina: Look in your phone book for Gamblers Anonymous, or contact their main office at Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017 (gamblersanonymous.org). When we checked, the Web site said there is a meeting in Salina on Thursday. Please go.
Dear Annie: I grew up with the understanding that it is illegal for commercials to be broadcast any louder than regular programming. Have I been wrongly informed all these years? It seems to me that the commercials are blasting my ears off. I would be interested in learning the truth. — Tired of Muting in South Dakota
Dear S.D.: The FCC does not regulate the volume for TV shows or commercials. Most programs use a range of sound, meaning romantic dialogue is soft and explosions are loud. Commercials often are broadcast at the louder end of that spectrum, in the hope that the viewer will wake up and pay attention. So, yes, they tend to seem more deafening than the programs. If you feel that specific commercials are overly loud, complain to your local station.