Living your fantasies may cause trouble
Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He’s hinted in the past that he wanted to have a threesome with one of his guy friends. I always took it as a joke. But it wasn’t. Finally I decided to try it. So we do it, and halfway through, my man started to get very jealous and went into the bathroom. I followed and he told me he wanted me to stop. So we did, although me and his friend were like … “ummm, what just happened?” Long story short, now I can’t help but think about that night and want to finish, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to. What can I do to forget this whole mess? It’s ruining my relationship because I’m so moody.
Steve: Your e-mail is a cautionary tale for guys who are always trying to rope their girls into some male fantasy. Be careful what you wish for! You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel. Talking about it might help you forget. But if you really are more interested in his friend, it’s time for you to re-evaluate your current relationship.
Mia: Why would your boyfriend want a threesome with another guy anyway? Do you think he might be gay? That might explain why he’s acting so weird. It looks like you’re going to have to talk to him about what’s going on. Clear the air and see where you stand.
Q: I have a guy friend, and we’re thinking about having sex. But I want to know how he feels about me. And I don’t know how to go about asking him. Do I have a right to know how he feels about me?
Steve: Two things. One, you do have a right to know how he feels about you. Two, you can’t find out by asking him. When it comes to sex, even the most honest man will say anything you want to hear. So, it’s a judgment only you can make. Ask yourself some questions: Is he respectful, considerate, generous, kind, honest? If you’re younger than 21, take great care before you proceed. If you do proceed, make sure you use birth control. If your guy really cares about you, he won’t try to rush you.
Mia: It depends on what you want here. Are you looking for just sex, or do you want a relationship with this man? If all you want is to get off, skip the talking and don’t bother trying to navigate his psyche. But if you actually want something serious, you should at least ask him how he feels and try to gauge the situation from there.
Q: A colleague at work has made an interesting proposition. He’s 50 and is going to his high school reunion, which will be at a nice hotel in New York City. He’s divorced and alone. I’m 28 and have a steady guy. My colleague has offered to pay for a hotel room for my guy and me if I will go to his reunion and pretend to be his date. I’m dubious, but my boyfriend thinks it’s a hoot and wants to do it. Bad idea?
Mia: All you have to do is pretend to be arm candy for a few hours? Go for it. As long as you’re both clear that it’s just pretend, it should be fine. To add to the fun, I’d make up a fake persona: Sandy the flight attendant, Crystal the manicurist or Rebecca the secret agent perhaps? Have fun!
Steve: My moral compass is jiggling here. On the one hand, you’d be an accessory to a lie. On the other hand, high school reunions are pretty much bull crap fests anyway. On the third hand, doesn’t this make you a paid escort? Then again, anyone who’s married is a paid escort. Damn compass is all over the place.