Whaddaya mean, men are dogs? Reader talks back

Q: How can you say all men are dogs? Your reader’s three previous boyfriends cheated on her because she allowed it to happen.

Is her screening process flawed? Possibly! Bashing men is the easy way out, and it only satisfies your pent-up relationship anger; it doesn’t help your reader in any constructive way.

Make your advice to her constructive for her – not for you! Not sure what you were driving at with that one.

Mia: Here’s what I was driving at: MEN ARE DOGS! Given the opportunity, they will all cheat and then lie about it. I believe my original advice was just to find the least doglike man possible and hope for the best. And I stand by that.

Steve: I’m happy if you just scratch my tummy when I roll over.

Q: I’m a 46-year-old divorced woman. I’m a receptionist at a law office. In October 2003 I answered a call from an inmate who was looking for representation.

Eventually we began writing to each other. He asked me to visit him in prison and I agreed. He is gorgeous, and I’m totally crazy about him.

He says he’s crazy about me, and his love letters are all I look forward to on a weekly basis. My problem is that I’m scared. Something deep inside me tells me that this is not going to work out, but I’m going to be 50 when he gets out in four years and I feel like I don’t have time to lose.

My question is, do you think I’m nuts?

Mia: In a word, yes.

Steve: Meeting your ideal mate is all about playing the odds. The odds of you meeting Mr. Right in prison, frankly, are poor. Your chances are better at a book club. Heck, your chances are better at a biker bar.

Q: I disagree with your advice on what a woman should wear on a first date.

I think most men prefer women in a little black dress rather than jeans. I love women in dresses, and many men do. When I see a woman in a dress, I take notice.

I think jeans on a date is tomboyish unless the date is to a baseball game. I think women in dresses with little or no makeup are awesome.

Steve: I stand behind no one in my affection for the little black dress and women who wear no makeup. But our point was that the first date should be as relaxed and comfortable as possible for both parties. Save the bombshell look for the second date.

Mia: And who says you can’t be a bombshell in jeans anyway? Jeans or dress, makeup or no makeup … women should wear whatever makes them feel sexy and confident.

Q: How do I go about telling my girlfriend from Ohio that we’re breaking up? She does not want to break up. How do I tell her I don’t want to marry her?

Steve: At times like this, it’s best to heed the great philosophers. I suggest Iris DeMent:

We both know the reason why you’ve called

so stop wasting time trying to soften up my fall

I know you wanna sweeten up the taste

but if you don’t mind, I’ll just take my sorrow straight.

Bad news isn’t easy to deliver, but it’s best given – and taken – straight up.

Mia: But if you’re too big of a coward, just send her this column and highlight the following: Hey, girlfriend from Ohio! Your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He doesn’t want to get married and make babies! Got it? Good luck!