Colon is clean, but hosts fairly common bacteria

I finally got around to having a screening colonoscopy. Like so many people, it took a problem to get me to the doctor’s office. My tummy hurt. A lot. Not in the colon area, mind you, but in the stomach area. Pepcid Complete and I had developed a truly meaningful relationship.

My doctor suggested that, along with a look-see at my colon, we should also do a gastroscopy and assess the stomach and esophagus (the tube that joins the mouth and the stomach) as well. I’m all for efficiency, so off we went.

The nurse asked me which of the two bowel preps I wanted. I had a choice? I asked her which one I wanted, because I figured she knew a whole lot more about this than I did. Armed with my bag of goodies, I prepared to do battle with my colon. Objective: Clean that sucker out!

This, as I’m sure you’ve heard, is not a pleasant process. And to my surprise, it wasn’t sitting on the potty for most of six hours that bothered me; it was drinking all those fluids!

After surviving a gallon or two of ginger ale (clear liquids only) I made it to the endoscopy suite, where I got this wonderful drug called Versed, kind of a super Valium. It not only relaxed me, but also made me forget everything that happened to me for a two-hour period. Prior to the procedure, the nice nurse informed me that I would pass a lot of gas in the recovery area. “Don’t worry,” she said, “it’s a gas-friendly area.”

According to my husband, I repeated this information to him at least five times. That Versed really blasts the short-term memory.

The colon was pristine, I’m happy to say, but the stomach showed gastritis, sort of a pre-ulcer. Well, that made sense, I suppose. I seem to thrive on stress. I don’t smoke, but I gotta have my double latte. So I started drinking decaf.

Did this mean no more spicy dinners? I was saved by a call from the doctor’s office.

Tests showed that I was hostess to Helicobacter pylori, a funny little spiral-shaped bacteria that seems to thrive in the stomach’s highly acid environment. First identified in 1982, H. pylori is now known to cause up to 90 percent of duodenal ulcers (the duodenum is the start of the small intestines) and 80 percent of stomach ulcers. The other 20 percent are thought to be caused by nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDS) like aspirin and ibuprofen.

Those with H. pylori infection have a two- to six-fold increase in the risk of getting stomach cancer. In the United States, H. pylori infects 20 percent of people under 40 and half of people older than 60.

One in 10 Americans will develop a peptic (stomach or duodenal) ulcer, but the majority of people infected with H. pylori do not develop ulcers. As usual, we don’t know why some get ulcers and others don’t. But it’s clear that all the risk factors I learned about in medical school —stress, coffee, jalapeno peppers (it was Texas, after all) — are not the culprits. H. pylori is.

Classic ulcer pain is a burning or deep pain in the upper abdomen that typically occurs two to three hours after eating, and is usually relieved by antacids or eating. The pain commonly awakens the sufferer at night, leading her to reach for her conveniently placed bottle of antacids. Had I not been getting the colonoscopy anyway, my doctor could have done one of the several noninvasive tests available for H. pylori. But I take enough NSAIDS that looking with a gastroscope made sense.

This pesky little guy is not easy to get rid of, but it can be done. Using a combination of two antibiotics and an antacid drug called a proton pump inhibitor, the H. pylori infection can be eliminated. So bring on the spicy foods. I’m ready!