Taking off sunglasses optional

Dear Miss Manners: Are there etiquette guidelines regarding when to remove sunglasses? What if the sunglasses are prescription rather than plain glass or plastic?

I remove mine when I go into buildings (if for no other reason than for safety), but last summer on the golf course my husband and I were introduced to the other players who would make up our foursome for the 18 holes. None of us removed our sunglasses for the introduction, and afterward I realized a part of meeting and greeting someone is eye contact.

Should sunglasses be removed, and under what circumstances?

Gentle Reader: Oh, no, you don’t. Miss Manners is forever being besieged by demands that widespread customs be abolished because everyone cannot comply with them. A prime example is that handshaking be entirely abolished because there are people with medical or religious reasons for not doing it.

But this would effectively abolish the entire language of cultural customs, as there are always going to be exceptions. Instead, etiquette merely asks those who cannot comply to make clear that it is not a matter of hostile intentions (by offering the left hand, if possible, or saying with a friendly smile, “Sorry I can’t shake hands”) and others to accept this unquestioningly.

However, Miss Manners is not about to declare a ruling in a matter as physical as wearing glasses. Not only would removing prescription glasses deprive many people of knowing whom they were meeting, but even nonprescription glasses might cover a multitude of conditions — blindness, light sensitivity, watery eyes, black eyes and goodness knows what else.

All this leads Miss Manners to highly uncharacteristic hedging and pleading: Remove your sunglasses when meeting and talking to people if they prevent eye contact, but only if you can do so without hardship.

Dear Miss Manners: We just recently found out from a co-worker (married for over a year) that she and her husband have not sent thank-you cards for the gifts they received at their wedding

Our co-worker feels that she doesn’t need to send them and that they are too “old fashioned.” We feel this is absolutely appalling, that in this day and age people aren’t thoughtful enough.

Our co-worker is doing a great job with her working ability, but this finding makes it hard to look at her in the same ways we did before. We don’t want to hold this against her, but it is hard not to do so when we all feel that thank-you notes are still in style.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners hates to quibble with people on her side, but what do you mean by “in style”? Your colleague maintains that gratitude is a fad that has passed; surely you are not simply arguing that no, it hasn’t quite passed yet?

But you are quite right to regard your colleague in a harsher light. Not having time for those who have been of use to her, or expecting people to know what she feels without being told, are not just socially undesirable notions but ones that could easily spill over into her attitudes toward work.