Don’t trust online dates
Q: I started chatting with a guy online two months ago. We get along so well and have a lot in common. The problem is he is 20 and I am 30. We both have strong feelings for each other, but he is embarrassed about my age and worries what his family and friends will think. I don’t know what to do ‘cause one minute he has feelings and the next he doesn’t. I would like to meet this great guy and show him age is just a number. I have always been attracted to younger guys. But he can’t get over the 10-year age difference.
Mia: So you haven’t actually met this guy yet? So he might not even be 20. He could be (gasp) 50! And more importantly, could be hideously ugly and unemployed. You never know when you meet someone online. I say the two of you get together (in a well-lit, public place just in case) and if he’s legit, then you can decide how to handle the generation gap.
Steve: Hey, what’s wrong with a woman who’s 30 hooking up with a guy who’s 10 years her junior? Every old millionaire in America is dating or married to a woman 20 years younger. But Mia’s right about assuming anything about someone you meet online. If you do meet, bring a friend or bodyguard.
Q: I recently started dating this really nice guy. He’s an artist and a substitute teacher. I noticed after a couple of dates that he never asked me to his place. We always went to my apartment. Eventually he admitted that he lives with his parents. He says he’s trying to save money so that he can pursue art full time. This is a 28-year-old man we’re talking about! Does the fact that he’s still living in his childhood bedroom make him undatable?
Steve: Only if he still sleeps with his teddy bears. His jobs don’t pay much, so he’s being practical. However, at some point he’ll have to decide whether he can make a living with his art and, if not, get another job.
Mia: It is pretty uncool, but not necessarily a dumping offense, as long as he actually has a plan to move out at some stage. If he starts dropping hints about moving in with you, I’d be cautious. You don’t want to get stuck with a freeloading, artistic bum.
Q: I recently house-sat for my parents while they were in Europe. I was cleaning the guest room one day and I stumbled upon a box of porn flicks and sex toys hidden under my bed. I’m 30 years old and I know I should be fine with the fact that my parents have an active (kinky) sex life, but it’s completely grossed me out. I don’t even want my boyfriend to touch me because every time I think of sex I get visions of my parents using that stuff. What should I do?
Steve: Just keep repeating to yourself, “It’s only a movie, it’s only a movie …” No one wants to think of her parents having sex. But you can’t let this experience foul up your sex life. Maybe talking about the issue with your boyfriend will help you purge it.
Mia: I feel your pain. I once walked in on my parents when I was a little kid. (Note: All parents should invest in locks. Strong locks. I’m begging you.) But Steve is right, you can’t let this ruin your fun. Talk to your boyfriend, a friend or a therapist, or have a ritual torching of some sex tapes to purge yourself. Then get back in the game!