Self-sufficient girl seeks man to commit
Q: I’m a 25-year-old single parent. I have my own job, car and house. I’ve been dating a guy for five months. The problem is my feelings are getting very strong for him. He says he’s not ready for a relationship, but he does like me. I don’t know what “I like you” means. I’m not sure if I should wait it out to see if he will ever be ready to make a commitment – or should I move on before my feelings get stronger? I can accept the fact that he is not ready for a serious relationship right now, but how will I know if he ever will be with me?
Steve: First, a translation. When a man says, “I like you,” he means “I want to sleep with you without making a commitment.” As for whether he’ll ever be able to commit to you, that’s hard to say. Five months isn’t a very long time. On the other hand, how long does it take to fall in love? I’d tell him that you’re considering seeing other men and see how he reacts.
Mia: So you have a child, a job, a house and a car? Sounds like you’re pretty grown up for 25. If you really want a serious relationship and this guy can’t give it to you, maybe you should date some other people.
Q: I’m a 30-year-old woman and have a crush on a guy I’ve been friends with for a while. I have done absolutely everything I can to let him know I’m hot for him, and he just doesn’t respond. I don’t see him with other women, and I’m begin-
ning to wonder if he’s gay. How can I find out?
Steve: Ask him if he likes show tunes. Just kidding! Some people have pretty accurate gay-dar, but that’s not the issue here. For whatever reason, he’s just not attracted to you. There’s no accounting for taste. Look elsewhere.
Mia: How have you let him know? Have you said, “I’m really hot for you and want to have sex”? If he’s straight and single, he’ll go for that. Trust me.
Q: For a while now, I’ve had a fantasy about watching my girlfriend have bondage sex with another guy while I watch from a corner. She’s pretty conservative in bed, so I’ve never suggested it. But lately it’s all I can think about. I’m even losing interest in regular sex. What’s the best way to bring it up?
Mia: Well, first get her really drunk … OK, maybe not. I don’t think there’s any subtle way to ask her. You’re on your own, buddy.
Steve: It’s a fantasy, right? Why do you want to make it reality? Nothing kills a fantasy faster. And there could be unforeseen consequences of a fantasy like yours. Still, if you want her to loosen up a bit, at least raise the subject in a general way. You may find an agreeable option that omits a third party.
Q: Two years ago, when I was on a break from my boyfriend, I went on vacation to Florida and met this totally hot guy. We had crazy sex for two weeks and said goodbye. When I came home, I worked things out with my boyfriend, but I never told him about the vacation guy. Last month, I started classes in a graduate program and vacation guy was there! I don’t want to start up with him again, but I’m terrified my boyfriend will find out about our sexcapades. How can I control the situation?
Mia: I hear Italy is nice this time of year. Come on, it was two years ago. I doubt the guy came to your grad school to stalk you. It’s probably just a weird coincidence. I would play it cool. (But I wouldn’t let your boy-
friend meet him, just in case.)
Steve: Only low-class men kiss and tell, but make it clear to Mr. Vacation that you are no longer interested. As for Mr. Boyfriend, say nothing. Unless he’s the guy who wrote the letter above.