Talking head, maybe, but Stewart’s no talking chimp

“THE DAILY SHOW” HOST Jon Stewart is no big fan of CNN talking head Tucker Carlson. And, big surprise here, the feeling is mutual.

The two went at each other Friday on the CNN show “Crossfire,” which the conservative Carlson was co-hosting with the more liberal Paul Begala (who, for the most part, stayed out of the way).

On the show, Stewart implored Carlson and Begala to rise above their show’s typical “partisan hackery” and to ask their guests the questions best designed to advance the notion of democracy.

“You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably,” Stewart said.

Responded Carlson: “You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.”

“You need to go to one,” Stewart shot back.

Carlson complained that for a comedian, Stewart wasn’t being very funny.

“Come on,” he said. “Be funny.”

“No,” Stewart said. “I’m not going to be your monkey.”

On Monday, Carlson’s feelings were still raw. “I wasn’t offended as much as I was unimpressed,” Carlson said.

Someone is. Airing at 11 p.m. EDT Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central, “The Daily Show” averages 1.1 million viewers, with the audience swelling to a record 2.4 million after the first presidential debate.

Already the winner of a Peabody award, it snagged an Emmy last month for best variety series for the second year in a row, and another Emmy for writing.

French radio hosts are les jerks

In France, the phrase “little jerk” is apparently not considered libelous. That’s what a judge decreed Monday in a lawsuit involving French celebrity Brigitte Bardot, 70, who was sued by the host of Radio Courtesy. Marc-Olivier Fogiel had insisted that Bardot talk about her best-selling – and controversial – book, “Un cri dans le silence” (“A Cry in the Silence”) during a May 2003 show. Bardot responded with the slur.

“The expression ‘little jerk’ seemed injurious” toward Fogiel, Presiding Judge Nicolas Bonnal said. But, he added, “There is a direct relationship between provocation and injury, appearing proportional to it.” Consequently, he said, “The injury can be excused.”

J-Lo’s husband, Marc something, was lucky

Singer/actor Marc Anthony (Jennifer Lopez‘s husband) credits a New York cop for keeping him on the straight and narrow. J-Lo’s hubby said on Monday that Officer Kevin Lowry warned him to stay in school. “I was just doing a policeman’s job,” Lowry said.

And now we can resume working toward world peace

Been wondering where Britney Spears has been hiding? According to her Web site ( www.britneyspears.com), the pop star – newly married to Kevin Federline – is taking it easy. “My prerogative right now is to just chill & let all of the other overexposed blondes on the cover of Us Weekly be your entertainment … GOOD LUCK GIRLS!!” Spears apparently was divinely inspired. “I know now that my knee gave out on me this past summer so that I would have no choice but to stop … It’s funny how the Man upstairs works.”

No. 1: Wants to watch Kelly perform stupid pet trick

“Late Show” host David Letterman will make a guest appearance Nov. 8 on “Live With Regis and Kelly.” “I think it’s nice that he visits our show once every 10 years,” co-host Regis Philbin said. “Live,” with Kelly Ripa as co-host, has released its own Top Ten list, with reasons why Letterman is appearing on the show. Among them: “Thinks Kelly is hot” and “Wants to return Regis’ copy of ‘Deuce Bigalow’ in person.”

The birthday bunch

Actor William Christopher (“M.A.S.H.”) is 72. Actor Jerry Orbach (“Law and Order”) is 69. Musician Tom Petty is 54. Actress Melanie Mayron (“thirtysomething”) is 52. Actor Viggo Mortensen is 46. Rapper Snoop Dogg is 33. Actress Jennifer Nicole Freeman is 19.