Work on trust issues with counselor
Dear Annie: My husband returned after a year’s deployment with the Army. We were so happy to have him back. However, in a casual conversation, he told me that he and his buddies had gone to a stripper bar while in the States. It was amateur night, and he knew one of the girls performing. He tried to “help her relax” by stroking several parts of her body while she gyrated. He was thrown out of the bar for fondling the dancer. He thinks this story is hilarious.
I, of course, was less amused and have asked him to leave our home of 17 years until I can think things out. He swears he only touched her. I think he crossed a line and wonder if things would have progressed had he not been tossed out.
Am I being too harsh? He swears this is the first time he has ever done anything like this and he has never been unfaithful to me, but I don’t trust him. He touched another woman intimately, and if I let him get away with it, I suspect he not only will do it again, he might do more.
We have two daughters who are devastated that Daddy has moved out, and they think I’m crazy for showing him the door. Please help. — Skeptical Wife
Dear Wife: Although we usually are inclined to cut our servicemen a little slack, this is not one of those cases. Your husband has no business stroking a semi-naked woman (other than you). The bad news is, he sees nothing wrong with his behavior. The good news is, he told you about it.
Please don’t throw away 17 years without first seeing a marriage counselor, who can help you work through the trust issues and explain to your husband why his actions were a betrayal. We recommend taking advantage of the counseling services offered through the military.
Dear Annie: Every August, my wife and I go on a vacation with her relatives. We rent a house, and the cost is divided equally between the four couples. That’s the problem. I think it should be divided by the total number of people.
Unlike the other family members, we do not have children, so why should we pay the same rate? Worse, my wife and I are expected to baby-sit if we are home when the parents go shopping. We also are forced to take these vacations in the summer, when prices are high, because that’s when the kids are out of school.
Should we bring this up with the other family members before next summer or suffer in silence? — Tired of Being Overcharged
Dear Tired: Might as well bring it up, because you sound as if you are not willing to suffer in silence much longer. Family vacations can be wonderful, but yours sounds like a recipe for trouble. Discuss it with your wife, and then ask the relatives about a more equitable payment plan. Otherwise, consider vacationing alone, before you become so resentful that you throw in the beach towel altogether.
Dear Annie: You recently told a reader that salon owners are not tipped. I have my own hair salon with one employee. Every dime I bring in pays the bills and all of my overhead before I even think to pay myself. But my employee gets paid regardless. If people don’t wish to tip the owner, then the customer should be willing to pay more for the salon owner’s expert services. — Pennsylvania Salon Owner
Dear Owner: Absolutely. There is nothing wrong with the owner charging a higher rate for his or her services. Go right ahead.
Annie’s Snippet for Labor Day (Credit Samuel Gompers, founder of the American Federation of Labor): “All other holidays are … connected with conflicts and battles of man’s prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day … is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race or nation.”