Stop nagging, start wooing

Q: How can I tell if my man is cheating on me? My husband recently has been spending a lot of time out with “the boys,” something he rarely did before.

When I ask him about it, he gets angry and accuses me of not trusting him. Ideas?

Mia: Well, all couples need time apart. Instead of nagging, why not plan a special evening for the two of you? Over candlelight and soft music, he’ll remember why he fell in love with you.

Steve: Or you could hire the “Cheaters” detective team and wind up on trash TV. Why not sit him down and discuss his evening travels? Anger and defensiveness are not acceptable answers. You’re his wife and have a right to know where he is and who he’s with.

Q: I’m close friends with this couple, Jack and Allison, who have been together for almost a decade.

I have always had a little bit of a crush on Allison but never thought anything would come of it. A couple of weeks ago, they announced they were taking a break.

Here’s the question: Is it OK for me to ask Allison out, and if so, how long should I wait?

Steve: How big is Jack’s fist? Going out with a friend’s ex-girl is almost always a bad idea, especially if she dumped him.

Mia: This mostly looks like an opportunity to destroy two friendships. Wait at least a few months, because I’d say there’s a good chance they’ll get back together and then you’re the jerk who hit on her while they were broken up. So no wedding invite for you. Even if they stay broken up, I’d still proceed with caution.

Q: My husband has been a successful lawyer for the past 20 years. He loves his work and he makes a decent amount of money, which I admit, I help spend.

He turned 50 last week and declared that he was sick of being a lawyer and that he wanted to quit his job and move to a ranch out West. Is this a mid-life crisis or has he lost his mind? What should I do?

Steve: Buy a saddle and some cowboy boots. Unless you have your own career, in which case some compromises will have to be worked out.

Mia: Perhaps you could convince him to just buy a Jaguar instead.

Q: I’ve been dating Ed for a year now. Things are mostly good, but on two occasions, when he was drunk, he struck me. He was very apologetic afterward.

Lately he has been talking about marriage, but those two incidents have me worried. What should I do?

Mia: Physical violence is never justifiable, by alcohol or anything else. If you really care for this man, I suggest you seek couples counseling and he gets anger management training.

Steve: I’m a “one strike and your out” guy when it comes to domestic violence. As Aristophanes observed, “You cannot teach a crab to walk straight.” It will happen again. I suggest calling a domestic abuse hotline to discuss your next move.