Her selfish ways explain why she was estranged

Dear Annie: Last year, a longtime friend of my mother’s passed away at the age of 94. The woman had a younger sister who was a distant acquaintance of ours. This younger sister, “Ms. Periwinkle,” had a stormy relationship with her older sibling, although we don’t know the details.

At the wake, Ms. Periwinkle said to my mother, “I guess this is goodbye. I won’t see you again.” When my mother asked why, Ms. Periwinkle told her that with her sister gone, she wouldn’t have a place to stay. Foolishly, my mother volunteered, “If you return, you can stay with me.” Well, the lady showed up the first week of June and has been staying with Mom ever since.

Ms. Periwinkle has broken untold dishes, figurines, Mom’s sewing machine and more. She’s a sweet lady, but she is rough on the hardware, contributes very little toward expenses and helps herself to anything and everything. She doesn’t lift a finger to clean, but she makes frequent efforts to prepare food we do not find palatable, leaving incredible messes for others to tidy up. And whenever I take my mother out to eat, Ms. Periwinkle tags along and expects me to pay for her meal.

Mom doesn’t want to hurt the woman’s feelings, so she refuses to ask Ms. Periwinkle when she intends to leave. Any suggestions? – El Paso, Texas

Dear El Paso: You probably have an idea now why Ms. Periwinkle didn’t get along with her sister. She’s a freeloader. Ask your mother if she would like your help getting Ms. Periwinkle to leave. If so, inform Ms. Periwinkle that you are buying her a ticket home and the bus/train/plane leaves in one week. You also will come by to help her pack and take her to the airport. Don’t take no for an answer.

The cost of her ticket is a small price to pay for peace of mind and intact crockery.

Dear Annie: My wife and I went to a local boxing event last week with some friends. During the evening, the gentleman in the row in front of us handed my wife his cell phone and said she should say hello to the person on the line. She did, and it turned out to be some guy in a different section who thought she was cute and called his friend who was sitting in front of us. My wife actually stood up and started waving at this guy. When she did that, I reached up and tugged on her elbow, asking her to return the cell phone to its owner.

I admit I was jealous, but I also worried she was giving these guys the wrong signal. There was no way for the guy on the phone to know she was married. She turned around and snapped at me, saying, “I’m just having fun.”

When we got home, I said her behavior was not only rude but could have led to a confrontation. She accused me of being possessive and said we won’t be going out together until I get over my jealousy. Now what? – Disgruntled, Loving Husband

Dear Husband: Your wife enjoyed being the object of flirtatious attention, but her behavior was inappropriate, risky and disrespectful to you. Her judgment was poor, but the incident turned out to be harmless, so unless she makes a habit of such behavior, we say let this one go.

Dear Annie: I hope this appears in the Times-Standard of Eureka, Calif. Here’s my question: My brother gets married. His wife becomes my sister-in-law. My brother dies. His wife remarries. At this point is she no longer my in-law? – Curious in California

Dear Curious: There is some flexibility on this issue. Once the spouse is no longer married to your sibling, the in-law relationship is officially broken. However, some people are close to their former in-laws and choose to retain both the relationship and the title. That, too, is perfectly OK.