May sweeps
Good news, TV fans – May is just around the corner.
On May 8, CBS has “Elvis,” a miniseries about the King featuring his master recordings on the soundtrack, pillow-lipped Jonathan Rhys-Meyers as E and dishy Rose McGowan as Ann-Margret.
Quentin Tarantino, it’s been announced, will write and direct the May 19 “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” season-ender.
And at long last, Lena Olin returns as the deadly mother of Agent Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) for the “Alias” season finale May 25.
That’s the good news. The bad news is – this is April. As in the cruelest month, when the TV schedule is clogged with reruns, midseason replacements and a major case of the blahs.
How bad is it? It’s so bad that a Pamela Anderson comedy is big news. It’s so bad that when Noah Wyle announced he was leaving “ER,” the general reaction was: “What took you so long?”
It’s so bad that those Quizno’s Subs talking-baby commercials are starting to look good! (OK, it’s not that bad – those things are scary.)
To tide us over, let’s take a spin down the midseason TV Highway and check in on some of 2005’s best surprises, biggest disappointments and just plain puzzlers (Who out there is watching “Joey”? Anyone? Anyone?) so far:
No Pun Intended, We’re Sure: Fox basked in the glow of success (“American Idol”), critical praise (the gripping medical drama “House”) and controversy (“24” and its terrorist plotline, criticized as anti-Muslim).
What do they do for an encore? Bring us Pamela Anderson in a sitcom with the ever-so-tasteful title “Stacked,” which premiered Wednesday.
In a stunning display of range, she plays a bombshell blond party girl who gets a job in a family-run bookstore. No doubt plotlines will revolve around the lasting significance of Saul Bellow to American letters, deconstructions of Kant and Kirkegaard or – just maybe – jokes about Pam’s bosom.
Recast That Lead, Stat! In the cushy post-“Desperate Housewives” time slot, “Grey’s Anatomy” has turned into a real live one for ABC.
Temporarily filling in for previous spot-holder “Boston Legal,” the hot-to-trot young medics of Seattle Grace Hospital have snagged ratings superior to that James Spader-William Shatner campfest.
“Boston Legal” will be benched until this fall, but that doesn’t mean “Grey’s Anatomy” is the cure for spring TV malaise. So far, anyway, “Grey’s” is a woozy, uninspired mix of “Scrubs” irreverence and “ER” earnestness.
The best moments come from the least-sympathetic characters (Sandra Oh as a competitive intern, Chandra Wilson as a stern senior resident, Isaiah Washington as a – surprise! – arrogant surgeon).
Our supposed heroine (Ellen Pompeo), on the other hand, is deeply uninteresting, right along with her semi-love interest (Patrick Dempsey, continuing the charisma-free career he started in the ‘80s).
Those “Eyes”: While “Grey’s Anatomy” has been generating buzz, the much-better “Eyes” shows ABC is really on a roll. Tim Daly channels some “Ocean’s Eleven”-style Clooney-Pitt sex appeal in this Wednesday night private-eye series that is shaping up as slyly funny and darkly intriguing.
The tone recalls co-creator John McNamara’s short-lived and impressively cool “Profit,” and already the plot twists and secrets involving the razor-sharp cast – notably Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, Rick Worthy and A.J. Langer – make it the perfect end to a perfect night of TV, following “Lost” and “Alias.”
CNN Discovers the Blogosphere: As if CNN doesn’t have enough problems trying to catch the Fox News Channel in the ratings, some genius has decided to include a segment called “Inside the Blogs” on the afternoon news show “Inside Politics.”
This bit consists of two “blog reporters” sitting at a table facing each other (you can tell they’re blog reporters because they’re dressed in computer-geek-casual instead of TV reporter suits).
They sit at snazzy computers and quote a couple lines from a blog or two about whatever’s in the news that day. Camera operators clumsily try to get in close to the computer screens to show highlighted words.
After Monday’s installment – a brief, abrupt, awkward check-in on controversies surrounding House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – host Judy Woodruff seemed on the verge of laughing. Or crying.
Beyond the Hype: Perhaps you’ve heard of a successful little show about some homemakers. As “Desperate Housewives” dominated water-cooler chatter, won awards and sparked gossip (does Marcia Cross really hate Teri Hatcher?), other new shows rose and fell with less fanfare.
Remember the midseason, mucho-promoted “Blind Justice”? Me neither.
Star producer Jerry Bruckheimer gave us “Numb3rs” – but even he couldn’t crack the Friday-night-equals-low-ratings curse.
Just ask “Joan of Arcadia,” a former Friday night stalwart afflicted with sickly ratings. Or “Star Trek: Enterprise,” which UPN announced would be canceled as a galaxy of Trekkers wept.
There’s Always Tomorrow: Even true believers have to admit that some cult favorites have lost steam. “Alias” needs that late-inning Lena Olin surge if it hopes to make up for a season dragged down by a rearrange-the-deck-chairs weariness (everyone’s working for Sloane again?).
And over on “The O.C.,” even savvy pop-culture references (that “Spider-Man” upside-down kiss!) and groovy music (hey, Lou Barlow!) can’t erase the sense that they’ve run out of ideas in near-record time.
Even the terrific “Lost” let fans down. After producers announced earlier this year that a major character would die, suspense built – but the unlucky castaway turned out to be the not-that-compelling Boone (Ian Somerhalder), a disappointingly predictable choice for a deliciously unpredictable show.
Maybe the season finale will hold more surprises.
But we’ll have to wait – that’s not until May.