Workplace jealousy - hold your ground
Q I’m a 27-year-old woman who works in a mostly male office. I’m not romantically involved with anybody there, but I have to admit I enjoy my role as the cute, young thing. Recently, two younger girls were hired, and I can’t help feeling like I’ve been replaced. What should I do?
Mia: Steve and Mia can relate, dear. When we first started this column, we were the only sex-advice game in town. But then others realized we were on to a good thing. So the Inqwaster introduced a (typically academic) sex column, and now a certain city magazine has started up its rambling relationship writings by a certain girl-about-town writer whose name escapes me.
But we don’t care if others jump on the bandwagon. We were here first, and we continue to write the best advice. Just take that attitude into your workplace and you’ll be fine.
Steve: You may think attention will wane, but look at Starbucks. They started with one, then added two more within a block of each other. Instead of sales going down, they went up.
Q I’ve met this really nice man who keeps trying just a little too hard to impress me with his date ideas. Our first date involved scuba-diving lessons and a sushi-making class. He keeps presenting me with these over-the-top plans. How do I tell him I’m more of a pizza-and-a-movie kind of gal?
Steve: Just say it straight out, like you told us. Tell him to relax and be himself. You may find things you enjoy in common that aren’t quite so exotic.
Mia: Just be sweet and tell him that next time, you want to do the planning yourself. Then you can show him the kind of things you enjoy – even if it is takeout Chinese and reruns of “Melrose Place” – without having to correct him.
Q My husband works at a high-powered law firm that typically has a big, fancy party during the holidays. I hate going. I don’t know anybody, I can’t stand the shop talk and I’m uncomfortable at elaborate, black-tie events. But when I asked my husband if I could skip it, he got really upset. Am I being unfair?
Mia: Maybe a little. It is only one night out of the year, after all. Perhaps you could strike up a deal. Go to the party but then leave early for dinner together, or in exchange, he’ll give you a night to do whatever you want.
Steve: Marriage, like democracy, is about compromise. You can sacrifice one night for him. And he must do the same for you (for example, he takes you to the ballet even though he hates it).
Q My husband recently admitted to me that five years ago he had a three-month affair with another woman. I’m hurt and shocked and mad, and I don’t know what to do. Is this the kind of thing our marriage can survive?
Steve: Sure, if you want it to. I’m assuming your marriage was happy before this revelation. If your husband is appropriately contrite, pledges not to err again and genuinely loves you, forget it. Falling short of perfection is a process that never stops.
Mia: If you can be sure it was a one-time deal and that he is truly sorry, then maybe your marriage will be OK. Men can be big, stupid dogs, but there could be a lot of good things in your relationship worth saving. Perhaps counseling or a vacation away together would help renew and restart your marriage.